Are there real questions about adoption that are politically correct?

There’s a difference between trying to be politically correct and trying to not be offensive about something you are ignorant about.

ETA: “I think If you don’t know something about adoption it is politically correct to ask, even if it does offend someone. It’s better for you to be informed than worry about if someone likes you asking or not!”

If you’re a PAP who is really trying to learn from the perspective of adoptees I can respect that. But coming to a forum where there are a lot of adoptees and first parents with an ignorant attitude as a lot of people do (not trying to say anyone specifically) is not right. I think questions like “Where can I find a baby?” and “Please Please Please help us find a child” are wrong, as do I think it is wrong to discourage people from asking legitimate questions. I think it is also wrong to ask for an answer about adoption and then reject the adoptees personal life experience as if you are that adoptee and have the right to judge their opinion. All too often people ask questions only to seek answers that they want to hear in order to reaffirm what they already believe. These types of questions are often offensive and not at productive to any kind of education.

I don’t know what you mean by PC, but questions I would not find offensive would be ones that suggest the asker really wants to learn something (rather than be told something they already believe/want to believe). Maybe questions like,

“What was your adoption experience like?” or “What is good about adoption? What’s bad? How would you change it?”

Those questions aren’t asking me to justify my existence, like “Aren’t you glad you weren’t aborted?” or comfort AP’s/PAP’s, like “But isn’t it wonderful to have been chosen?” or hate myself, like “But won’t your REAL parents’ feelings be hurt if you search for That Woman?”

I think “Why do you think we’re ashamed to talk about adoption?” is a wonderful question (PC or not) that could produce some honest, open dialog among so-called “triad” members.

I Never see anyone ashamed of adoption they glorified adoptions. You see plenty of shows telling everyone how great it is. But you won’t see a story where the ugly side of adoption comes out. All you here is the drug addict mother and the dead beat fathers. What needs to be  is showed both sides and maybe things will be better but then we would not have shows like who’s your daddy,and the locator’s and next what drug or tramp is your mother

I agree that showing genuine interest in someones adoption experience is always appropriate.

As a first mother I can tell you the kinds of questions or comments that have bothered me over the years – things such as:

“Don’t worry, you did the right thing”
“You can’t search for your child – you signed a contract and you would be violating that contract”
“I can’t believe you were really forced to give up your child. Just admit it – you made a mistake when you signed those papers and now you’re trying to blame someone else”
“Get over it, it’s in the past”
“You should be grateful someone was able to give your child a two family home when you couldn’t”
“You were young! You couldn’t have given your child what he needed”
“You had sex so you had to pay the price”

When people who honestly have no idea what it was like take an interest and ask me to tell them about my experience and take me at my word, that is always appropriate and validating.

Society should be uncomfortable with adoption. Separation of families is painful. It is disruptive. It can be isolating to people.

Society is uncomfortable with divorce also, but less unwilling to admit it.

Adoption is an arrangement that can cause long-lasting pain.In some people, the feeling it creates is more of a sense of disconnectedness to everyone. Other people feel it as a loss.

Adoption affects more than one generation. It affects more than one person. It has effects that can take years to manifest. Some people find it hard to articulate their feelings and they bury them, but the feelings are still there.

Lots of people make their living off of adoption or in a related area.The “child welfare industry” is huge.And their paid lobby in government is huge. This is one reason why the voices of the most-affected people are not “heard.”

In the legislatures, where laws are made, and policies are set, it is the agency lobbyists and the social workers, the therapists, the attorneys, the paying customers ….these are the ones who are heard.

They are here, too.