Hey my boyfriend just said something so disturbing about my baby?
ByQuestion by metalstefl: Hey my boyfriend just said something so disturbing about my baby?
I said something like, “yah well you never really know when you are going to have a baby, ya know” And he said no he didnt and I said “well what if I got pregnant?” (were sexually active- so it IS a possibility, ya know) And he said “well im not having a baby if Im not ready, you would put it up for adoption” and I said “well what if I wanted to keep it” and he said “than i would leave” and I said he would be a deadbeat dad? And he said ya and that hed sue me so I wouldnt be able to keep the child because he wouldnt be ready and wouldnt support him/her/or me. This was really disturbing and totally not like him, hes usually so nice and caring and talks about having kids with me all the time. If hes not ready hes not having it? This really disturbed me! I cant stop thinking about it/
Best answer:
Answer by Buddy Wolf
Why you havin’ baby outta wedlock?
What do you think? Answer below!
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48 Comments
February 9th, 2012 at 11:13 am
talk to him about it
February 9th, 2012 at 11:31 am
OMG
February 9th, 2012 at 11:49 am
use protection. good luck
February 9th, 2012 at 12:49 pm
dump him. he is a real creep and i have a baby if my husband sai something like that to me i would throw him out. i would not subject my child to some one like him just because i want to keep a man. dump him fast
February 9th, 2012 at 1:35 pm
♥ ♥ just protect yourself… sounds like you shouldnt have child with this guy…♥ ♥
February 9th, 2012 at 2:35 pm
2 questions: Are you pregnant?
How old are you?
Sorry, no answer.
February 9th, 2012 at 2:47 pm
he sounds like a trashy loser. Dump him!
February 9th, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Just make sure you never get pregnant!!!!
He’s telling you loud and clear that he’s not ready for that responsibility… make sure it doesn’t happen!!
I’m sure he is a great guy, but when you threaten them with pregnancy and babies… they freak out.
February 9th, 2012 at 3:59 pm
Wow what a @$$!!! leave him! that’s not cool! although he’s being honest but still you don’t have sex unless ur ready for a kid cause it could happen. Jeeze what a real man! *rolls eyes*
February 9th, 2012 at 4:43 pm
He sounds like an idiot. Either dump him or don’t have sex with him, or use a condom for God’s sake!!!
He sounds mentally disturbed, and a liar too. He’s probably being nice to you just to get in your pants, telling you what he thinks you want to hear. Either that or he doesn’t want to have kids right away.
Plus what is he gonna sue you for? Getting pregnant? LOL! He sounds too immature to be having sex.
I’d dump him before he really DOES get you preggo.
February 9th, 2012 at 5:25 pm
Eee gags! Stop having sex! You are a scary civilian!
February 9th, 2012 at 5:36 pm
you are right to question this…..i would seriously think about continuing a relationship with him if i were you….as a guy, i would support any child of mine whether i was READY or not….my responsibility not to mention my own flesh and blood…
he’s a loser.
February 9th, 2012 at 6:13 pm
It’s actually a serious and important issue. Especially if you want kids right now. If you would want to keep the child, that’s enough of a values difference that you really might want to terminate the relationship. That’s not to say he’s wrong for feeling that way. It’s just saying that you have a fundamental disagreement in a very core area.
February 9th, 2012 at 7:00 pm
What is disturbing about this question is that you are sexually active with a guy that would make you give the baby up for adoption. Use birth control so you will not have to go through an unwanted pregnancy with him. He has shown you he is in no way wanting to have children with you or anyone else for that matter. Children that come into this world need their parents and hopefully their parents will be married and can take care of them financially. They deserve it, as they do not ask to be born and on welfare and not knowing who or where their father is. I do not think you are ready to be a mother either.
February 9th, 2012 at 7:04 pm
Well, if he’s not ready to have kids, and he obviously has no plans of supporting you and a child if you should happen to become pregnant, then maybe you should STOP SCREWING HIM.
February 9th, 2012 at 7:16 pm
Good. You just saw a very important side of him. Remember, if you do get pregnant from him………he warned you. You may want to think of moving on to someone else.
February 9th, 2012 at 7:36 pm
Are you trying to trap him into having a baby? He can’t force you to give up a child and no court would make such an order unless you were unfit. perhaps he is scared of being a father right now. If it scares you so much then perhaps this is not the man you want to have children with!
February 9th, 2012 at 8:10 pm
sometimes you never really know how a person ‘really’ is until a conversation like this happens. the guy is very selfish. i’d stop having sex with him because he’s obviously not ready for what the consequences might be. and you might want to mention to him that if you did get pregnant, there is nothing he can do about it if you want to keep it.
February 9th, 2012 at 8:48 pm
Yikes….are you going to continue to have sex with a male (he’s no man) who is so calloused? I’d step back and get to know this guy a bit more before I allowed myself to be intimate with him again.
February 9th, 2012 at 9:03 pm
Thats why people should be married for a long time before they have kids. You don’t need him anyways. If he is not going to be responsible and use protection during sex then he cant say anything…..And it would be your baby anyways, its up to you what you do.
February 9th, 2012 at 9:24 pm
Ok sweetheart… I hate to say this but you might want to think about leaving this relationship, or at least talking to him very seriously about the issue. As you said, since you are sexaully active, pregnancy is always a risk. If he is not ready for that, or can not handle that, then you probably need to reevaulate the relationship! I totally understand you being disturbed by the conversation, I would probably even feel kind of hurt. But you either need to talk to him about it, stop having sex to eliminate the problem, or end the relationship. Good luck!
February 9th, 2012 at 10:13 pm
MAYBE HE ALREADY HAS A CHILD OR ONE IS ON THE WAY.GUYS USUALLY START TRIPPING OUT WHEN THEIR PARTNER TELLS THEM THEIR PREGNANT.IF YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT AND STILL DECIDES TO BE SEXUALLY ACTIVE WITH HIM OR ANYONE YOU SHOULD BE USING A CONDOM.
February 9th, 2012 at 10:16 pm
First of all he couldn’t sue you to terminate the pregnancy and he can’t make you give it up for adoption. Sounds like he was just being irritable, but use extra protection until you straighten it out with him. You may even bring up the fact with him that he is usually okay about the idea and what made him change his mind. Keep the communication up, I’m sure you don’t want to be a single mom!
February 9th, 2012 at 11:07 pm
You are totally irresponsible have sex with a guy you don’t know very well. He is not ready for a baby and he does not want one. Respect him for telling you the truth. Many guys would have told you what you wanted to hear just to get you in the sack. You got the message – he does not want a baby, DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM AGAIN. IT IS OVER.
February 9th, 2012 at 11:12 pm
You are much too young to have a baby, and I don’t care if you’re 40!!! Stop having sex now!!!!! Then there will be no possibilty of a problem in the future. IT’S SO DAMN SIMPLE!!!! DON’T HAVE SEX UNTIL YOU’RE MARRIED AND SOMEBODY IS COMMITTED TO YOU!!!!!! If you can’t stop, do it on your own!!!!
February 10th, 2012 at 12:02 am
First, are you pregnant ??? IF you are not pregnant then please do us all a favor and leave the guy. He sounds like a real jerk who would absolutely be a deadbeat father. I have one of those. Believe me I love my son but his father causes more heartache for my son then joy. YOU ARE WORTH BETTER THAN THAT!!
February 10th, 2012 at 12:19 am
First of all, judging by your writing, you can’t be more than 17, stop screwing around. Secondly, stop sleeping with jerks. And thirdly, use protection.
February 10th, 2012 at 1:07 am
If he says something like that, you DON”T want to continue with him. He could be an awful father one day…
February 10th, 2012 at 1:38 am
Grow up and quit bringing children into this world without stable parents to love and care for them.
February 10th, 2012 at 2:30 am
If he’s not ready for the responsibility, then he should not be having sex. Not saying that birth control isn’t effective, but he obviously hasn’t thought about the consequences, and if he wants to indulge, then he should at least be concerned enough.
February 10th, 2012 at 2:59 am
If he refuses to handle the results of sex with you, then he doesn’t deserve sex with you.
Birth control can and does fail sometimes.
Your instincts are trying to tell you something about this guy; that is why you’re so distressed. You should listen to them.
February 10th, 2012 at 3:51 am
If he’s not ready to have a child, he’s not ready to have sex. Maybe you should wait til you get married.
February 10th, 2012 at 4:14 am
I think it’s time to leave him. I’m a guy and I know what I’m talking about: sex is a driving instinct. It can turn us into the nicest people on Earth (like your boyfriend is nice right now) or vicious monsters, fighting over a mate, just like our relatives in the animal kingdom. The moment it got real (baby talk) to him, he had no problem voicing his objection: he’s with you to have sex and will leave you if you ‘tarnish’ yourself with a baby. I say dump him and find someone who’s sincere in his emotions towards you, not someone who’s only in it for sex. Incidentally, you run a high chance of ruining your life and your baby’s life if you have one with a boyfriend. The best is to have a planned baby, i.e. to get married, discuss it with your husband and then have one. Don’t have a baby just because your maternal instinct starts playing with your mind. Don’t be rash. Many lives were wasted that way. Make it planned, discussed and thoroughly thought out. Good luck.
February 10th, 2012 at 4:30 am
Go with your gut! The father of my adult children said something disturbing too. When I was pregnant, he said he hoped for a girl because he’d enjoy the incest, and I thought it was a sick joke because he was high on drugs at the time. Well, he really did do it, again being high on drugs, and it just made me absolutely sick to think I slept with a man who is capable of doing such a thing. If your boyfriend says things like that even jokingly, he is capable of acting out what he says. Do NOT have a baby with him, for God’s sake.
February 10th, 2012 at 5:02 am
You make sure you don’t get pregnant with his child.He is telling you he is not ready.When he is,let him get dawn on his knees and beg.I would also have him sign something,like a contract.You have every reason to do that.After what he said,i wouldn’t be too exited to have his baby.
February 10th, 2012 at 5:58 am
He WOULD have some financial responsibility for the child, and he cannot sue you or force you to place the child for adoption. HOWEVER: your situation sounds like one in which making an adoption plan might be the best option. He’s obviously not ready for parenthood, and you sound like you are not either. The best thing is to take proper steps to prevent an inconvenient pregnancy. You are right to be disturbed–about a lot of things.
February 10th, 2012 at 6:28 am
Oh MY!! This is exactly what my boyfriend said to me 13 years ago!! A week after he said that I found out I was pregnant!! He did leave me (I was 19, he was 28) and threatened to take my son away from me!! I moved to another town before my son was born and when he was born my ex didn’t want to have anything to do with him or me… I ended up raising him on my own (for 3 years) until I found a WONDERFUL man who loved my son like his own and ended up adopting him a month after we got married. That was 9 years ago and my ex has never seen my son and was eager to sign over his rights to my husband…
Oh, by the way… He CAN’T sue you for getting pregnant! And he WOULD have to pay child support… So DON’T let that scare you! They just can’t take your baby away from you!! I would definitely take this as a warning sign!!!! Think about it!! It was HARD raising a baby by myself!
February 10th, 2012 at 6:53 am
Sounds like you either need to quit having sex with him, so the possibility of pregnancy is not there, or dump him. I would go with the dump him thing, cuz if he isnt willing to step up and be a man at this point in his life if something unplanned happened, then most likely, he never will.
February 10th, 2012 at 6:55 am
This guy sounds like a real jerk. Drop him like a bad habit. And if you’re worried about getting pregnant, go on birth control.
February 10th, 2012 at 7:09 am
Put your mind at ease….
First of all, if you are sexually active with this man, you might want to reconsider that right now. Obviously this man is not going to be supportive of you or your child if you were to become pregnant. His words attest to that.
Secondly, you do not have to put your child up for adoption if you choose not to. It’s YOUR child, so you have a say in what happens.
He cannot “sue” you and have the courts remove the child from you. Totally impossible!! He would have to prove you as an unfit mother and that is extremely hard to prove. If he were to leave you due to you being pregnant, that is abandonment. You can petition the courts for at least temporary relief ( support ). And later, the courts could order that to be permanent. That means he would have to pay you child support, even if he was not married to you. If he were not to pay the court ordered support, chances are he would receive an “Order to Show Cause”, which means he would be brought in front of a judge to explain why he is not paying his support. Then the judge would decide what to do. They could do a number of things…. They could garnish his wages. They could make him pay his back support on the spot, if he does not produce, he can sit in jail and think about it for awhile, thus getting even further behind in what he would owe you. You would also receive full custody, usually, of the child, in which you could dictate any visitations by the father, etc.
Each state has different laws, but generally that’s how it works.
But I want to assure you, he cannot take your child. He would have to pay you support. And if he did not, he would answer to the courts. So don’t worry!
My suggestion to you is, kick this guy to the curb. He made it plain and clear how much he stands by you, and how much he would stand by you in more difficult times. If a man would do this also to a child, that reinforces what I just said even more. Would this be fair to an infant child? Think about it!
You need to find yourself a responsible adult to be with. This guy is a child in a man’s body. Send him packing, it’s the best thing to do.
Best wishes!
February 10th, 2012 at 7:52 am
perfect example of why you aren’t mature enough to be having sexual relations …. before you ever have sex this conversation should have come up……get rid of him, get your education, do what is best for you….and your future
February 10th, 2012 at 8:01 am
Take every one of his words absolutely literally. He has spelled out for you what he intends to do if you get pregnant. Then, don’t have sex with him again until you are both on the same page about what you would do if you got pregnant.
February 10th, 2012 at 8:47 am
Here is a song you can play to him as you leave:
“Goodbye to you” by Roxette
Goodbye to you, goodbye to broken hearts,
goodbye to romance, hiding in the dark,
nights that leave a scar.
Goodbye to you, goodbye to empty cards,
goodbye to this ball of bliss,
I’m dancing from your arms.
And I fill the bedroom with silent visions of rain.
And I paint the morning with echoes from pleasure in pain.
I don’t want to touch emotions, I just got to run away.
Electric blue like oceans, wild like lovers sway.
Goodbye to you…
And I seal the pillow and shatter dreams down the hall.
And I hang the heartache like pictures on the wall.
Can you hear the sound of angels they’re playing hurting games?
Well, I’m a stranger when I’m leaving, I was a stranger when I
came.
Goodbye to you…
February 10th, 2012 at 8:55 am
If you choose to have someone like this father your child , you can expect much worse than his sick comments . Anyone can do better than that .
February 10th, 2012 at 9:00 am
What does he mean by he would sue you so u couldn’t keep the baby if HE wasn’t ready? That doesn’t make a lot of sense. IF you do get pregnant and decide to keep it (not give it up for adoption) then he has no option but to support your child or go to jail. That is the law. If he is willing to do the deed he should be willing to take responsibility that is IF u get pregnant but I think I would reevaluate your relationship personally…If he is willing to leave u for wanting to keep your baby he is not on the same page as you and I think u should cut him loose. Good Luck hope it all works out.
February 10th, 2012 at 9:38 am
I suggest you stop having sex if the two of you are this immature.
February 10th, 2012 at 9:41 am
yah your gteting used ofr sex seem like evryones cheats these days to woooooooooot
February 10th, 2012 at 10:21 am
definitely stop having sex. no birth ctrl method is 100% except abstinence. not the pill, not the shot, not condoms. next time he is in the mood, turn him down and if he asks why let him know, while u are not planning to have kids, it could happen as long as u are sexually active, and you would never put him in that position. i take it this wont go over so well so ultimately, i would dump him. what a jerk.
its fine and dandy (and smart!!) to not want to have kids but certain responsibilites come along with sexual activity and he doesnt seem to be ready.