Comments on: How long have you been in the adoption section and what is the most important thing you learned? http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned Resources for the new and expectant mother. Sun, 12 Feb 2012 14:10:05 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Penny P http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned/comment-page-1#comment-3416 Penny P Sun, 31 Jan 2010 06:24:14 +0000 http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned#comment-3416 Been here on and off about 6 months. I've learned alot of adoptees are unhappy about their adoption and that sometimes adoption is corrupt. I haven't learned many positives about adoption at all in this section. Generally I feel this is a site that is mostly anti adoption. Been here on and off about 6 months. I’ve learned alot of adoptees are unhappy about their adoption and that sometimes adoption is corrupt. I haven’t learned many positives about adoption at all in this section. Generally I feel this is a site that is mostly anti adoption.

]]> By: psychokitty http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned/comment-page-1#comment-3415 psychokitty Sun, 31 Jan 2010 06:02:59 +0000 http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned#comment-3415 Like Autumn....I also came here from P&P.....and started reading hormonally post-childbirth. I came from the other side of the story....and had thought about adoption in a feeling of desperation during 4 years of TTC (trying to conceive) and after 3 miscarriages.( After medical help I finally carried a baby to term and had a beautiful little girl) Why I clicked on Adoption I don`t really know.....but what I read really opened my eyes and changed the rosy idea I had of adoption forever. I hadn`t realised the depth of pain felt by first mothers or adoptee..... but reading stories while holding my baby I realised that giving up your child must be the hardest thing to ever recover from. Until that time I had really only emphasised with adoptive parents....as I knew too well the pain they had endured over infertility. edit - I only lurked and read until today.....but I really wanted to ask/answer a question like this. Like Autumn….I also came here from P&P…..and started reading hormonally post-childbirth. I came from the other side of the story….and had thought about adoption in a feeling of desperation during 4 years of TTC (trying to conceive) and after 3 miscarriages.( After medical help I finally carried a baby to term and had a beautiful little girl)
Why I clicked on Adoption I don`t really know…..but what I read really opened my eyes and changed the rosy idea I had of adoption forever.

I hadn`t realised the depth of pain felt by first mothers or adoptee….. but reading stories while holding my baby I realised that giving up your child must be the hardest thing to ever recover from. Until that time I had really only emphasised with adoptive parents….as I knew too well the pain they had endured over infertility.

edit – I only lurked and read until today…..but I really wanted to ask/answer a question like this.

]]> By: RPMR http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned/comment-page-1#comment-3414 RPMR Sun, 31 Jan 2010 05:10:37 +0000 http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned#comment-3414 I've been here since August! The most important thing I've learned is the effect of adoption on the adopted child. As an adoptive mother that knowledge has made me a better mother for my little one. I’ve been here since August! The most important thing I’ve learned is the effect of adoption on the adopted child. As an adoptive mother that knowledge has made me a better mother for my little one.

]]> By: Lori A http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned/comment-page-1#comment-3413 Lori A Sun, 31 Jan 2010 04:20:44 +0000 http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned#comment-3413 The most important things I have learned is that I really did have issues over surrendering my daughter. I wasn't crazy or being dramatic like I was told. That I had NO support system, no follow up on me, and was pretty much left alone to deal with MY problem, just like so many others. AND MOST OF ALL I learned that the connection between my daughter and myself was very real, she could feel it too. She never forgot me like I was told she would. Cherry Lee: I have told you before I take full responsibility for my actions. It was my decision, my choice. But that doesn't work for you does it? Even when we step up to the plate and assume responsibility you ignore us. We're just all the same to you aren't we, why is that? The most important things I have learned is that I really did have issues over surrendering my daughter. I wasn’t crazy or being dramatic like I was told. That I had NO support system, no follow up on me, and was pretty much left alone to deal with MY problem, just like so many others.

AND MOST OF ALL I learned that the connection between my daughter and myself was very real, she could feel it too. She never forgot me like I was told she would.

Cherry Lee: I have told you before I take full responsibility for my actions. It was my decision, my choice. But that doesn’t work for you does it? Even when we step up to the plate and assume responsibility you ignore us. We’re just all the same to you aren’t we, why is that?

]]> By: anastasia beaverhausen-the real1 http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned/comment-page-1#comment-3412 anastasia beaverhausen-the real1 Sun, 31 Jan 2010 03:56:22 +0000 http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned#comment-3412 i got here by accident in february. the best thing that i learned was that there was the adult adoptees forum. that board has been a life saver. i got here by accident in february.

the best thing that i learned was that there was the adult adoptees forum. that board has been a life saver.

]]> By: grapesgum http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned/comment-page-1#comment-3411 grapesgum Sun, 31 Jan 2010 03:42:03 +0000 http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned#comment-3411 I've been here for over a year. I have learned that parenting should always be explored as the first option in an unplanned pregnancy. I have learned that if parenting is not in the best interest of the child, there are other options to adoption, such as, kinship care and guardianship, which provide a safe environment for a child without wiping out his/her family history. I have learned that there a lot of adoptive parents who would LOVE to turn the clock back to closed adoptions where they could get a baby without the "interference" of the natural parents. I’ve been here for over a year.

I have learned that parenting should always be explored as the first option in an unplanned pregnancy.

I have learned that if parenting is not in the best interest of the child, there are other options to adoption, such as, kinship care and guardianship, which provide a safe environment for a child without wiping out his/her family history.

I have learned that there a lot of adoptive parents who would LOVE to turn the clock back to closed adoptions where they could get a baby without the “interference” of the natural parents.

]]> By: loserguurl http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned/comment-page-1#comment-3410 loserguurl Sun, 31 Jan 2010 02:50:49 +0000 http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned#comment-3410 Been here for a long time lurking...but then started to post a few months ago. I think the extremes of the answers and questions were eye opening but extremely helpful for me to center in on a norm of how I feel and how I will parent. There are some assumptions that adoptive parents are horrible and adopting only due to the inability to conceive and that their adoptive children are fill in dolls (seriously, really?). That many posts assume relingquishing parents were all 100% "taken advantage of." I also found with some surprise how angry some adoptees were (and given some of the posts--rightly so) and how many of them were hanging on--even fanning each other's angers. This is a good place for many to rationalize their choices from many years ago and for some it's probably good therapy. I love the board. There are some incredibly smart and informed people on here---and there are some incredibly stupid ones--but we can all get together and express ourselves. Great place. Been here for a long time lurking…but then started to post a few months ago.

I think the extremes of the answers and questions were eye opening but extremely helpful for me to center in on a norm of how I feel and how I will parent. There are some assumptions that adoptive parents are horrible and adopting only due to the inability to conceive and that their adoptive children are fill in dolls (seriously, really?). That many posts assume relingquishing parents were all 100% “taken advantage of.” I also found with some surprise how angry some adoptees were (and given some of the posts–rightly so) and how many of them were hanging on–even fanning each other’s angers. This is a good place for many to rationalize their choices from many years ago and for some it’s probably good therapy.

I love the board. There are some incredibly smart and informed people on here—and there are some incredibly stupid ones–but we can all get together and express ourselves. Great place.

]]> By: Cheery Lee http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned/comment-page-1#comment-3409 Cheery Lee Sun, 31 Jan 2010 01:59:05 +0000 http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned#comment-3409 The most important thing discussed on her it that nothing is the adandoners fault. The children were "lost"! The most important thing discussed on her it that nothing is the adandoners fault. The children were “lost”!

]]> By: Annabelle http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned/comment-page-1#comment-3408 Annabelle Sun, 31 Jan 2010 01:14:09 +0000 http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned#comment-3408 I have been on here since July as i was getting in touch with my bio mother & bio father for the first time. Itcan be a very touchy subject, with strong views in all directions given. Some answers are very judgemental and strongly opiniated, that their views are always right. Constant thumbs down to a question is unecessary & shows lack of empathy in most cases. Alot of adoptees are hurting and are still suffering. Adoptive parents are seeing as doing the wrong thing 9 times out of 10.....when they have the best intentions. You cannot change the past & holding on to it makes no sense to me, i had a shocking life of abuse as a child in my Adoptive family, do i blame my bio-mother for that? since she relinquished me? do i use this as an excuse not to move forward.....No! I have been on here since July as i was getting in touch with my bio mother & bio father for the first time.
Itcan be a very touchy subject, with strong views in all directions given.
Some answers are very judgemental and strongly opiniated, that their views are always right.
Constant thumbs down to a question is unecessary & shows lack of empathy in most cases.
Alot of adoptees are hurting and are still suffering.
Adoptive parents are seeing as doing the wrong thing 9 times out of 10…..when they have the best intentions.

You cannot change the past & holding on to it makes no sense to me, i had a shocking life of abuse as a child in my Adoptive family, do i blame my bio-mother for that? since she relinquished me? do i use this as an excuse not to move forward…..No!

]]> By: jazminsmith4sho http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned/comment-page-1#comment-3407 jazminsmith4sho Sun, 31 Jan 2010 00:53:53 +0000 http://thepregnantnews.com/adoption/how-long-have-you-been-in-the-adoption-section-and-what-is-the-mostimportant-thing-you-learned#comment-3407 Well, I was adopted when i was like 2 because mah bio. mom and my bio. dad tryed to kill me when i was younger. nd i need help looking for my bio. father. and i didnt learn shit i was too young Well, I was adopted when i was like 2 because mah bio. mom and my bio. dad tryed to kill me when i was younger.

nd i need help looking for my bio. father.

and i didnt learn shit

i was too young

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