How to convince people that international adoption is bad?

how about you go tell the children who have nothing, no family, no love, no food, no water, no government help, no safety, no hope. The little kids in russia who have nothing to keep them warm on cold winter nights, the kids in africa who don’t have clean water, the children who’s whole families have died of aids and no one is left to care for them, the children who are sold by their families into slavery, the child soldiers, the girls who’s families only want boys, the kids who eat nothing but mud pies, the kids in Darfur who watched their moms get raped and both parents killed, the children who’s parents are killed fro fighting for basic human rights, children in orphanages who come under guerrilla attacks, i could go on and on…

how about you go tell them that international adoption is wrong. how about you go tell them that you thinik they are less worthy of basic human needs simply because you think they live in the wrong country. How about you go tell them that you don’t think they should have a chance at life because they aren’t fortunate enough to be american.

and in the mean time people like me will keep fighting to give these children to life they deserve

Maybe because Internation adoption is NOT bad? How many times have you left your country, to top that, how many times have you visited orphans in other countries. Internation adoption is one of the best things you could do for a child that does not have the hope or opportunites that a child who ages out of the foster system here would have. THere are many countries where ones livlihood depends on their family, much like America in the 1700s. A child who does not have a family does not have food, they do not have a job, t hey do not have a place to live. It is not like here where you can get a job at a restaurants and work your way through college and make something for yourself. They can’t, many countries orphans have no way of taking care of or fending for themselves, or making a life for themselves after they are kicked out of the orphanage onto the street.

1- many (not all) adopt internationally to avoid “open adoption.”
2- there is corruption in IA (just do a google search on guatemala and adoption)
3- many (contrary to what we wish to believe) are not”orphans living on the street”; yet have parents who would keep them if given help.
4- the “sell” of children to westerners is a huge profit business in many countries.
5- women have been raped, and forced to carry to term, to provide babies for westerners.
6- women have had their children kidnapped to satisfy adoption agreements.
7- people will pay $30K+ to adopt ONE baby. yet, entire villages (the breeding grounds for westerners’ babies) remain poor.
8- children adopted internationally loose (most often) their culture and language. many will adopt from asian or african countries and will “change the name” because the native name is too “odd.”
9- many would probably never think of “helping” people in the country of adoption; yet only show interest due to their own infertility and desire to get a child.
10- some will not care to learn the language or culture; yet expect their “child” to fully assimilate.
11- some have a “savior complex.” and will remind the child every time he/she steps out of line.. (as happened with an ex-boyfriend who was adopted from vietnam.)

so yeah, there are definitely “cons” to debate on this subject.

i got more…but that’s what comes to mind, for me.

ETA: to those who believe “culture” is so unimportant, think for a moment if there was a mass exodus of midwestern caucasian infants to saudi arabia just because so many people lost homes and employment during the foreclosure crisis and outsourcing. technically, many in SA have more affluence and could give a poor kid from kansas, living in a trailer eating from church donations a “better life.”

would then”culture” be so unimportant?

or is culture unimportant when it’s “other-than” western?

Its not wrong how would you like it if you spent the first days of your life being

barly taken care of by people who dont love you then some nice person comes and

takes you home after 5 yrs of that? like no food and no water and no baths or

anything its not wrong its a saving grace for children all around the world.

IA is not perfect. But, it is very easy for us here in our cozy chairs on our laptops and debate a utopian idea about children on the other side of the world. Wouldn’t it be perfect if there were no children that needed parents? But, that is not the reality is it? We lived abroad and I volunteered at orphanages. There are children that legitimately need parents. There are also children that are there receiving educations whose parents are urban poor. Those children may not be adopted.

It is also silly to debate IA with people who have never even been out of their own country. Who here has traveled to some of these places that there are children for adoption? Who here has lived day to day lives in these places to really have a deep understanding of their culture? Who here understands that some children when born are considered unwanted by their own culture? Those children have a stigma for whatever reason and have no real options in their own country. I have played with some of these children. One was the result of rape unfortunately and the workers there for better or worse, will tell anyone that about the child. I was holding this beautiful little baby and he came from such a violent act. Two were of mixed racial background. The families would not accept the children because of this and this was again told to me by the workers.

IA is not perfect. But, is it all bad. No.

ETA: I don’t believe for one minute that IA puts a bandaid on a countries social problems. If so, it is like putting one on King Kong.

If we did adopt internationally, I would fully expect to stay there in the country for at least 2 months to give the child time to adjust to us and us to him or her. I would also plan to return at least once every two years for an extended visit. We travel a lot for husbands work and this would not be a big deal.

ETA: So, how do you get the money distributed to support an entire village? How do you keep your village safe from other villages that are not getting support? Does the village want your support? Doesn’t supporing an entire village put a bandaid on social problems as well? What if the village you are supporting still decides to abandon a child because that child is undesirable? Do you still support the village? What happens to the child that was abandoned?

Isn’t supporting a village a savior complex as well? Is anyone currently supporting a village?

ETA: Please don’t read any of this that I think children should be stolen from their families. That is terrible.

the only people i have met who think ia is bad are those who have not been involved with it, and who have these crazy personal ideals for the world that can never actually be part of reality.
ask my friends 5 daughters, 2 from russia and 3 from etheopia, if they are unhappy to have been adopted. one of the girls from russia recounts the horrible squalled conditions of the orphanage. and the oldest from ethiopia never wants to return there to live, to be beaten or murdered or to starve. she is very happy to have the parents they have. all of my friends children are warm and loved and happy. they would not be so if left in the land they were born in.
loss of CULTURE? ARE YOU SERIOUS? they may very well have died if they were not adopted by their loving parents they have now, but you cry because they wont be fully immersed in a certain type of culture.
who cares about culture? we are all human beings who need food clothing shelter and love, if someone who has a different skin color or speaks a different language is willing to provide that and even more what is the problem?

here is my edit…….most of the people i personally know who have adopted did not adopt internationally in order to get a “perfect baby” for example, one of my dear friends purposely adopted 3 older girls from ethiopia, 15, 9 and 7 ,as a sibling group from russia the girls have fetal alchohol syndrome, they could have picked others but they chose those who needed them the most. this is the case in almost all of the adoptions among my peer group. one friend and her husband are currently adopting domestically but are specifically looking for a special needs child. we would have adopted from lyberia, a war ravaged international country that has so many desperate children, but they are closed to adoption right now while policy is reworked. so we are seeking out a child in foster care.
sure there are alot of selfish people who want perfect white babies. but in my experience there are many more people who wits to adopt because there are suffering children all over the world, and as a christian it is my job to love and give, no matter where the child is from, if the child that needs love most is in china, i will adopt from china.

I am very confused. I read so many people that complain about people being selfish and wanting a “perfect white baby” then I read all the complaints about how wrong it is to adopt inter-racially because that is destroying the child’s culture and identity. So which is it? Are you wrong for wanting a baby that matches your race/culture so they can adjust easier and not have their identities stolen or are you wrong for being able to love children of all races?

I personally do not think IA is wrong because there is so much strife and tragedy in other parts of the world and the children really are alone. I may not be able to save the whole village but I CAN save one child. That may not be enough for you, but I bet it means the world to that one kid.

But if you need an argument for debate, I would say that IA is ripe for corruption. There really are people that steal babies to adopt them out for profit (remember, even $10USD is a lot in some places!) So these rings make victims of everyone: the child, the birthfamily and the adoptive family.

(As for the person with the Saudi Arabia analogy… obviously you have never been to SA. Don’t you know that most of the people there face a great deal of poverty, oppression and discrimination that is one step above outright slavery? Not everyone in Saudi Arabia is rich… it is just like in America. A very few control a great portion of the wealth. A kid in a trailer park in Kansas would still be a lot better of than most of the population of SA)

International adoption is a wonderful thing, so you will have a hard time comming up with good arguements. A big portion of international adoptions are by evangelical Christians who want to reach out and help orphans. From a personal standpoit I guess you could argue that international adoptions are usually more expensive and can long waits. But from a moral or ethical point of view there are no legitimate arguements against it.