My co-worker had an abortion a few days ago. I feel so weird around her. What should I do?
ByQuestion by Jae Lynn: My co-worker had an abortion a few days ago. I feel so weird around her. What should I do?
There’s this girl i work with, she’s 19 and got pregnant by her 18 year old boyfriend. he told her to get rid of it and said he will never pay child support and that he would state hop. so she told me “I have to get rid of it” and I said “Why don’t you give it up for adoption?” she said she couldnt afford it and I said well the person who adopts it will pay for it, and she said “Yeah…” and changed the subject.
I love this girl, i feel so sorry for her, she’s like my little sister. But I heard she went through with it, this “surgery”, and now she’s at work and cant move very well, and she looks very stressed and unhappy. I love her, but I feel so bad for her and about her… I feel weird around her. I can’t look at her the same way. I try to treat her normally but I feel so strange about it all.
I am very prolife. I feel terrible that maybe I should have pressed a little harder to stop the abortion, but I didn’t want to pry. Am I part of the murder?
I mean i feel strange about myself. I’m not judging her. She’s still my friend. I just don’t know what to say to her. Its not like I’ve been treating her bad. I’ve been helping her out at work because she can’t move around very well. Geez people, get off my back! y’all are so rude and b*tchy.
Best answer:
Answer by rachel
MYOB her life, her body.
What do you think? Answer below!
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18 Comments
June 21st, 2011 at 6:39 pm
No, you are a nosey person, however “well-meaning” you think you are, and you need to keep your mind off other people’s lives. The only regrettable thing here is that this girl confided in soneone who could not offer her unjudgemental support.
June 21st, 2011 at 6:51 pm
What should you do? Why? Was it yours? Otherwise, butt out. Unless she asks you to be involved, it’s not your concern. That you feel so “weird” around her now speaks very poorly of your value as a friend. Certainly you’re better than that, aren’t you? If she’s your friend, she’s your friend. If she isn’t, then don’t try to fool her into thinking that she is by acting like you care.
June 21st, 2011 at 6:54 pm
You’re not part of anything. Just treat her as normally as you can, this is something she has to deal with on her own. If she is making mistakes such as getting pregnant with someone who apparently is terrible, she is in need of more help than you can give her.
June 21st, 2011 at 7:32 pm
No, you are not part of it. You offered up another option for her and she didn’t listen. She took the easiest way out and she’ll regret it the rest of her life.
Instead of trying to pretend like nothing happened, can’t you ask her if she’s okay? Maybe she wants to talk to you about it.
I understand that you are prolife and so am I, but it sounds like she needs you right now. Try to be a good friend right now and not judge her. Your actions will have a big impact on her, I think.
June 21st, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Get over yourself and leave the poor girl alone!!!!
Jimeney Cricket, don’t you think she’s been through enough?! You disgust me.
June 21st, 2011 at 8:37 pm
You could be a good friend to a highly traumatized young woman and leave her alone with blame and guilt. She will be exposed to enough of those from others in the environment and herself.
If you are a good friend to her, you might be able to avoid being part of a suicide.
June 21st, 2011 at 9:04 pm
You probably know other people who have had abortions – they just didn’t tell you. This was HER decision. You’re prolife, but that doesn’t mean she is, so get over it. You are not god and are not entitled to decide when it becomes murder (if a person takes birth control, takes the day after pill, a week after conception, a month after conception).
June 21st, 2011 at 9:06 pm
Don’t feel bad. She made a bad decision, and then she made another bad decision to try to duck the consequences of the first one. At some point, she will need to start taking responsibility for her actions, but there’s nothing you can do to speed up the process.
June 21st, 2011 at 9:13 pm
this is so sad. your friend will live forever with that “stigma” of what she’d done to her child. she will never be at peace and her conscience will bother her. you have tried to sway her to change her plans but then again, we are the ones who are liable for our own actions and decisions in life.
i cry for your friend and i cry for her unborn child. relieve yourself of that guilty thought that you were part of it. please pray for the soul of the lost child and pray for your friend. she needs your kind understanding at this point in her life.
what she did was wrong and time can only tell if she can find in her heart to ask God for forgiveness for taking the life of her child. this is so sad.
June 21st, 2011 at 9:43 pm
One it’s not murder, How do you know for sure that she had an abortion?? It’s not uncommon to have an early stage miscarriage, I had four of them. Two even if she had an abortion it’s not your business unless you’re willing to adopt the child you can’t really say that you’re pro-life it’s easy to talk when you don’t have to do anything for the child who’s parent don’t want him/her. Do you have any idea of how hard it is to carry a baby for nine months and than give her/him up to people that you don’t know to raise?? How do you know that it will work out?? If the adoptive parents break up and some one remarries the child might be in danger. You can have not control over what goes on in the life of this child that you helped bring into the world. I know what that’s like I placed a child for adoption. Until you’re gone through some of these things than you have no idea of what it’s like to either carry a child you’ll have to place for abortion or to have an abortion.
June 21st, 2011 at 10:23 pm
you are not part of a murder. this girl is an adult and made the decision on her own to have an abortion. i can understand how you feel about the situation but it is not your place to judge her. it is GODs place when she meets face to face with HIM at judgement Day. she obviously feels bad about her decision so what you can do is be her friend and help her through this very difficult time in her life. what she needs right now is support. remember the adage….. hate the sin but love the sinner? here’s your chance to show GODs love for her in her life and let her see GOD through you.
June 21st, 2011 at 11:10 pm
Its called pro choice not murder. If abortion was against the law then yes she commited a crime. Every women has a right to do as she pleases to her body. She choose the easy way out and listned to her b/f (so she says) She probably could use your support and a friend to talk to. Just because you dont agree with what she did doesnt mean she is a bad person. If you cant handle knowing what she did then she will be better off with out you as her friend.
June 21st, 2011 at 11:13 pm
Why would you feel weird? It is legal, done every day, and it is a matter strictly between this woman and her doctor. None of your business, none of my business and certainly none of the governments business.
Like Ronald ReaGUN said so emphatically……Get government off our backs !
June 21st, 2011 at 11:39 pm
Just at yourself around her.She’ll get through it by herself.Nothing can change what happened.Try to give her a break.
June 22nd, 2011 at 12:10 am
You are lucky to have a friend that is smarter than you. I hope you learn from this girl. Look at the statistics. http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/statistics/adoption.cfm
In the world there are more than 100 million children that need to be adopted. In the United States there are no more than 200 thousand women willing to adopt. There are not even enough adoptive parents in the U.S. to adopt all kids here, much less take care of the children of the world. So your friend was being wise not to bring a child into the world to displace another child that needs adoption. How selfish you must feel for encouraging her to give up a child for adoption when it could cause the death of other children.
And it is important to note that each time a pro lifer “saves” a child it leads to the death of 12 loved and wanted children.
http://www.prolifeismurder.com
So abortion is the least harmful way to make our world safe for children. There are no easy answers to difficult problems and your friend seems to be smart enough to know this. I hope you will learn from her.
As for the suffering after abortion, you know that it is less than post birth depression. After birth, mothers often get so depressed they kill their children. And the stress of having a family you cannot feed is worse than the stress of removing a fetus that is not even a person.
God himself uses abortion in the form of miscarriage, and he does not outlaw it in the Bible. (if anyone says abortion is wrong they are saying God is wrong)
So abortion saves lives, stops the death of children that are displaced in adoption and is better than giving birth as far as mental and physical health is concerned. So learn from your friend.
June 22nd, 2011 at 12:51 am
I feel so very strongly that abortion is not OK, that I cant stand to be around someone who could do that. Ive ended reationship, and if need be, will again. I could not deal with someone who is capable of doing “That”
I will stop now. I am expressinf MY feelings and am not saying anythin about Row vs Wade.
Calm down everybody!
June 22nd, 2011 at 1:01 am
you don’t need to say anything, just be there for her.
June 22nd, 2011 at 1:16 am
FIRST DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP WITH GUILT FOR THIS. THERE IS NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE SAID TO PREVENT IT, SHE HAD TO MAKE THE DECISION. ALL YOU CAN DO NOW IS WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING BEING HER FRIEND. SHE IS PROBABLY NOT ONLY PHYSICALLY EXAUSTED BUT EMOTIONALLY TOO. YOU SOUND LIKE A GOOD FRIEND.