Want to have a natural childbirth, but can’t get the doctor to listen?
ByI decided early on in my pregnancy that I wanted to have a natural childbirth. If I can avoid pain medication, labor inducing drugs, etc I want to do so.
I have a general distrust of doctors, hospitals and medical equipment and that’s part of it, but I also want to be a part of the childbirth experience. I hope that makes sense.
So far, the doctor is acting like he is humoring me. I told him I wanted a natural childbirth and I wanted to try a water birth and he brushed it off and said that he would have an anesthesiologist around “just in case” because I would “want an epidural in the end anyway”
I don’t know why this is making me so angry, I guess it’s my body and I hate being told what I’m going to do during childbirth. My doctor barely knows me (I was forced to change insurance plans about 6 months into my pregnancy) and there is no trust there.
How can I make him listen? Is there another way of stating things to make him take me seriously?
I should add that I have given birth before (stillborn in the 6th month, but I still believe that counts as childbirth), am physically fit and have studied martial arts for almost 15 years. I know how to conserve and effectively use energies and how to meditate through pain.
I don’t mind having someone there to do an epidural if they really want to be there, but I don’t want them pressuring me to do it. If I need it, I’ll ask.
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17 Comments
February 16th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Congratulations! Yes, you just have to reiterate your point of view. It’s your body, your pregnancy and your baby. He is your employee at this point, working for you. I gave birth 5 times naturally. I had 3 different doctors over the years, they all did as I asked because I demanded it. If he’s not giving you that respect then change doctors. Natural is the best for the baby. You have made a wise choice. Good luck.
February 16th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Request another doctor ( its your right in a democratic western country)……a Doctor that will listen to you!
February 16th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
be firm but not bossy. talk quietly but powerfully. state all of your reasons and how much it means to you. use a level tone aswell. don’t show him that you are ANGRY as such, but that this means alot to you. SAY that though.
Good luck!
February 16th, 2010 at 6:04 pm
Grab Him around [the neck ? ]
Women have been giving birth since the year dot
You should know best It is Your body after all
edit
I’m sorry
It had been a long night I forgot to wish You well
May Both You and Your Child Always Know Your Good Health
Kindest Regards
xx
February 16th, 2010 at 6:36 pm
get a different doctor
February 16th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but the majority of births are NOT how you plan them to be… you can have all these ideas about no drugs, forceps, in the water etc etc, but when you get down to it the whole thing can be not how you imagined or dreamed of at all… Your doc is probably just trying to gently prepare you for that. Its great to have thought about all the possibilities, but try to keep an open mind. Imagine if now you made your doc not have an anesthesiologist around because you demanded that and then got to the day and changed your mind… I know you probably think you won’t change your mind, but you just might…. Also if you have your heart set on a birth plan and it doesn’t turn out like that then you’ll be disappointed, and you don’t want to be feeling like that when it should be the happiest day of you life…. I speak from experience. I wanted a natural birth and ended up being induced, having an epidural, episiotomy and forceps. Labour is v v v tiring and I wasn’t prepared for that. My brain was, but my body wasn;t… good luck x
February 16th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
Congrats on the pregnancy!
Hmm…maybe you shoudl change doctors?
I know, medical personnel can be annoying, I always said I would have a natural birth, and when I went into labour about every five minutes the midwife kept on asking whether I wanted any gas/epidural etc. and it got annoying telling her no every single bloody time. And I gave birth naturally, and would do it all over again, it’s so worth it!
I’m sure you can do it! My advice here, if possible, would be to change doctors. If that is impossible, then you will just have to be firm and believe in yourself that you can do it and that you know what’s best for you.
February 16th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
You know what? He’s probably seen countless women say the same thing and then go for the drugs when the time came. I know a few who have done that, and I’m not a doctor. I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t believe you, but just thinks it will be the same old story. I’m not saying that’s what I think, only that I think that’s what he’s thinking.
Unless you want to change doctors, the only thing you can do is to refuse drugs, etc at the time. Let him bring the anesthesiologist. No problem. You don’t have to have an epidural unless you want one.
I can completely understand why it’s making you angry. I hate feeling like I’m being brushed off by doctors (and I’ve been through more than my fair share of that). Just do what you want to do during childbirth! Don’t let him frustrate you (I know it’s hard not to). Congratulations!
February 16th, 2010 at 8:51 pm
You can draft out a formal “birth plan” and have him sign it before your delivery date. Then make copies and make sure to give a copy to your nurses, the doctor, the admitting staff, your husband and anyone else that you have around at birth. Then, your doctor is legally bound to respect your wishes. If he refuses to sign on, then I suggest requesting him to refer you to someone who will. You have this right!!!
February 16th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
congratulations =) stand up for yourself with him. if he still doesn’t listen, change doctors. my aunty had two water births and she says it was brilliant. lots of women forego drugs when giving birth. ultimately it’s up to you and your doctor needs to understand that. be more upfront and argue your point more with him, not that you should have to. or find a new doctor.
i wish you all the best.
February 16th, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Like everyone else I would suggest you change doctors…you can do that at anytime!!! Now as for natural childbirth…GOOD FOR YOU!!! I too want to warn you that birth plans don’t always go as you plan. I was horribly disappointed when my baby was not only breech but so stuck that he was impossible to turn without causing damage. (As it was his head was smashed from my rib cage…any attempt to turn him would have been tragic.) This caused me to have the c-section I feared and dreaded. However, I refused to PLAN my c-section. I waited until I went into labor and was dilated to 5 before I let them do what the wanted! LOL
My point is…it is your body and they can’t do anything you don’t LET them do…unless there is TRULY immediate danger to you or the baby’s life. Make sure you tell whoever your doctor is that you are willing to keep an open mind but you DEMAND that they do not ASK you if you want the drugs. IF you decide you need them…YOU WILL ASK. This should help them back off a little bit about their point of view. Have a birth plan when you go to the hospital and be a little flexible because the baby will do what it wants regardless of your plans.
February 16th, 2010 at 10:51 pm
i chose natural for all of my preg.
my doctor and nurses kept asking me if i was sure and kept coming in saying “ready for the epidural yet?”
just ignore them and do what you want to do because in the end that is what they have to comply too.
some doctors won’t do water births mine won’t but if your is willing to do it even if not happily and thats what you want to do then go for it
good luck and congrats
(sorry for your loss, i had a stillbirth in the 5th month and i still count it too, imean it was a BABY )
February 16th, 2010 at 10:59 pm
Hi,
Don’t mean to be sarcastic, but my ex had 3 while I watched within inches. Believe me, there is nothing romantic about natural childbirth.
“Unbridled pain doth not the love enhance.”
Get a Dr. U trust, & do your baby & self a big favor, (by remembering he/she is smarter than U, or else you’d be one yourself), and listen when he/she tells U haw it will be.
K?
Congrats & Best of Luck.
February 16th, 2010 at 11:40 pm
I would change doctors because my experience was that the attitude the Dr has does make a huge difference on how your birth will be.
I changed Drs three times until I ended up with the Dr that actually delivered my child.
One of the first 2 kept telling me about how great cesareans are (when I was 6 months along and nothiing pointing to trouble that would make a c-sction necessary) although I clearly stated that I wanted a vaginal delivery if nothing serious would stand against it.
I went to another Dr. I ended up having to be induced and I spent 3 days in labour, but the Dr I finally had chosen always made it clear that she believed in me having a vaginal birth and in the end I had that. She also never tried to talk me into having an epidural and I never was at a point where I wanted it. I didn’t want one because I can’t stand the thought of someone sticking a needle into my spine.
I had some oxygene and nitrous oxide though, during the final stage of labour. One thing my Dr told me when we discussed anestetia options before birth was, that I would be ble to stand the pain without anything, but if I should need something nevertheless I could have something for the pain.
The fast that she told me that I was able to stand the pain was really encouraging.
So I would really advise you to go to another Dr, after all you are the one giving birth not him, and you definately should be able to make informed choices on how you want the birth to be. But also keep an open mind, because sometimes births don’t happen as expected. I was sure I would never have an induction but it was necessary in the end. The baby’s well being always come first.
February 16th, 2010 at 11:49 pm
I went through this. Sadly this is because he’s seen it many times. Women claiming natural and then begging for meds. Just show him you meant what you said. When you’re in that room in labor your word counts. Do allow an anesthesiologist to be around just incase. Not incase you want meds but incase something goes wrong. My son started to drop and his cord was wrapped around his head to where when he would go down it would cut off his air. His heart stopped and they had to get him out fast. An anesthesiologist is a ‘have to’ for a c-section and even though I didn’t want one nor think it’s a good thing…my son is alive and that’s what counted in the end. Good luck and I hope you get the natural birth you deserve!
February 17th, 2010 at 12:27 am
Don’t call your doctor when you’re about to deliver, complain to the medical board, change doctors and look into midwives and their birthing centers, I don’t know what else to say hope you can use one of these ideas.
February 17th, 2010 at 1:22 am
First, switch doctors, but I get the impression that you don’t have that option.
My advice is to have a doula (labor assistant) with you during the labor and birth. Although it’s also good to have your husband there, it’s helpful if he doesn’t have to help you with pain relief. Also, create a birth plan and make sure the dr and doula know what you want. When I was in labor, I really didn’t care about anything so I was SOO happy to have my doula there to help enforce my wishes (i.e. I did NOT want an episiotomy). I’m due in a few weeks and will go w/o pain meds since I did it unintentionally last time (I was fully dilated when I arrived, so too late for an epidural). But, to tell you the truth, in the full force of labor I might be tempted, so I want my doula there to help me not give into the pressure that the Dr will give me to have one (I know she will)… Also, she can monitor what the dr is doing and make sure you don’t get anything you do not want…
Find out who your “back up dr” is. My dr was out of town the day my baby was born, so she didn’t even do the delivery. Maybe you will like the back up dr better than your regular one.
Ask your doula to do the “fighting” for you. Your job is to have a baby. You shouldn’t have to worry about an annoying dr if you can’t get rid of him in the first place.