How do you deal with the regrets?
ByQuestion by Jane’s mom.: How do you deal with the regrets?
And not beat yourself up about stuff you can’t control? I’m the type A person. I like things MY way. When things don’t go my way I either: pout & or beat myself up. I don’t let things go easily. It’s no different when it comes to Jane. I feel like things have to be perfect, because people already judge.
Long story short- I had to have a c-section (BAD labor. Bad as in, Jane could have passed). I wanted a all natural birth. I feel like I let her down. Dumb I know, but I can’t control the way I feel.
And breastfeeding. “sigh” it’s not going well at all. Jane won’t latch right, & my milk supply is not like it should be. I’ve seen a lamaze, but nothing is working. Right now she’s on formula, which I didn’t want. At all. I feel like a horrible mother, for not being able to.
Soooo moms, how do you let stuff go & not beat yourself up? How do you just go with the flow? I don’t want to be this uptight. I want to change. But it’s hard. =(
I am being a bit of a brat. I’m not saying the c-section was bad (far from it). Just not what I planed for. I didn’t expect my labor to go that way at all. Same thing for the formula, it’s not bad. I have nothing against it, it keeps my lo alive & thriving. Which is all that matters. It doesn’t help that my moms on my back about it though. Which makes me feel bad, which is why I like things going my way. It’s like a never-ending cycle.
I’ll shut up though. I just needed to rant that out of my system.
Best answer:
Answer by !!Chuck Norris for President!!
Oh my gosh, you better start learning to chill… I had a natural birth and wish I could have got the numb C sec.. I breastfed and hated it. People try to make you feel bad for not breastfeeding, but I despised every moment of the 11 months of freaking milk cow hell I went through. I adore my son and want the best for him, but if I could have I would have formula fed. So you see, it is not that big of a deal. You better take things as they come, or you will be in a pitty party hell.
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4 Comments
June 18th, 2011 at 6:16 pm
Holy smokes, you shouldn’t regret things you can’t control. LOTS of people have c-sections and obviously you wouldn’t want to have had a natural birth and risk your child dying. I tried to breastfeed too. Same issues. Couldn’t get my little girl to latch, it hurt, she wasn’t getting enough and I popped a bottle of formula in her mouth. She’s healthy. You do what is best for *you and your baby* and that’s that. Nobody is going to look down on you for having a c-section or not being able to breastfeed, that’s silly. NOTHING is perfect, except for that baby of yours, and she’s all that *really* matters, right? As long as you are doing the right thing for you and her, you just have to take things one step at a time and let things slide off your shoulders. You sound like a wonderful mother, give yourself a break!
June 18th, 2011 at 7:04 pm
I try not to worry over things I have no control.
My son was not getting enough milk from day 1, I switched him to Formula week 9. I felt guilty, but I let it go, why? Because I had no control, and in the end formula was better for my son than being hungry and not getting enough nutrients.
I had a natural birth, though if I had a c-cection I would of been fine with that, because if my son was in jepoardy, I’d want the doctors to do everything they could to save him, again beyond my control.
Don’t beat yourself up. You haven’t failed Jane. She’s not going to blame you. I go with the flow by concentrating on how happy my son is now because he is thriving, and healthy.
June 18th, 2011 at 7:06 pm
I wanted to have all natural births, unassisted, at home…I wanted to BF for as long as my kids wanted…all that jazz. Well, I couldn’t give birth and we adopted…I can’t control how the kids are born, as far as I know, none of them were born naturally. I can’t BF because even if they induced lactation, my milk would make my kids sick. It sucks. I’m the sort of person who obsesses over things that didn’t happen ‘correctly’…but I’ve had to just let it go…it was out of my control, and I have to accept it.
For my next babe, we’ve set up a small group of milk mamas who are pregnant or who newly gave birth (babe is due in May) and are willing to donate liquid gold for the little guy. If you don’t have women in your area who could or would do that, check out milkshare.com (I think that’s it)…that way Babe can still get the benefits of breastmilk. (It’s not through a milk bank, it’s just moms in your area with extra milk…I know some people might not be comfortable with that…I’d rather know the lady.)
June 18th, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Take a deep breath. We all have expectations of parenting and of life. They don’t always come true. No one cares~ except you. When people see Jane the last thing they wonder is if she was born vaginally or if she was breast fed. These things only matter to us~ for a short period of time. You are fine and you will get over this. I wish you good feelings