How long do you let your child “cry it out” for?
ByQuestion by Mrs Heather Schabby, M&D Goddess: How long do you let your child “cry it out” for?
Just curious to hear other people’s opinions. When you put your child down to nap or bed (between the ages of 4 months and 2 1/2 years only please) how long do you let him/her cry it out before going in and tending to them?
Also, if you *do* go in and tend to them, what do you do?
Thanks guys but I don’t need advice — I’m a childcare provider I know what to do. I was just curious what the majority of people did. 
I find it amusing that you say my method is lazy, when NO WHERE in my question at all does it even once say what my method is.
Way to judge.
LOL — thank you, VPot. 
Kristina: Since you asked my opinion as a PROFESSIONAL who has been working with children for many years, and also has college education on caring for children, I will give it to you.
I do believe in letting children cry it out to a point. If they are sick or injured; different. Children under the age of 4-5 months should not be left to cry it out because they do not have the ability to self soothe yet. However, the ability to learn to self-soothe is PROVEN and necessary.
I believe after 5 months a child should be left to “cry it out” for about 10-15 minutes. If the child is still crying, I feel it is appropriate to go in and check on your child and help soothe.
Best answer:
Answer by Ars
well honestly i go to them almost immediatly i’m well a concerned parent not my fualt my parents didnt let me cry
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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23 Comments
February 4th, 2012 at 10:47 pm
When my 3 year old was that age, I would only let her cry it out for maybe 5 mins. I just couldnt bear to hear my baby cry. When she was a baby, I would just soothe her with words and put her pacifier back in (she was always spitting it out and that was usually the problem). When she got older, I would just let her know that mommy was still here and I would sit in the room for a little while until she calmed down. As soon as she was certain that mom was still in the house, she would either go to sleep or let me leave the room without her crying.
February 4th, 2012 at 11:35 pm
my daughter is 15months and when i put her to bed or put her down for a nap sometimes she cries and i usually let her cry for about 20 mins and if she keeps crying i go in and rock her a little and put her back in bed.It helps me sometimes
February 4th, 2012 at 11:57 pm
The 4 month old I wouldn’t let cry it out. I started that at 7 or 8 months. The 2 1/2 if they aren’t used to this method it could take awhile. I would go in every 15 mins just so they know you didn’t leave them. You should let the 2 year old cry it out until they fall asleep.
February 5th, 2012 at 12:01 am
i never let my daughter cry it our for naps or bedtime, i wanted her to feel i would always be there for her. i would lay with her until she fell asleep she is 4 now and has been sleeping on her own for over a year.
February 5th, 2012 at 12:55 am
well i know what u are going through i have a 8 month old girl….if the baby is dry feed and not running a fever and they are burped then lay them down and if they pitch a fit let them dont give in to them for like 15 mins top because u dont want your child contoling u….i get my baby to sleep by patting her diaper and rocking her while she has her bottle hope this helps
February 5th, 2012 at 12:55 am
20 minutes tops. That’s all I could stand. I would just calmly go in there and lay her back down and rub her forehead for a minute and hum to her then walk back out. It took a few times some nights, but she eventually fell asleep. I have always played classical music and had a fan or something that makes white noise in her room. It really helps soothe them.
February 5th, 2012 at 1:22 am
It depends on the cry. At 4 months to a little over a year I did not do the “cry it out” method. The Boy is now almost two and if he is crying his “I don’t want to go to bed” cry, we let him fuss till he falls asleep. If he is crying his “there is something wrong” cry we go in immediately.
February 5th, 2012 at 1:40 am
i only let my baby (11 months) cry it out if there is nothing i could done to make her stop crying. i’ll lay her down and if she isn’t asleep in 15 mins (which she usually is). i’ll go in and pick her up, she is so happy i came in to get her she just goes right to sleep in my arms!
February 5th, 2012 at 2:04 am
You don’t let them cry it out especially from 4 months to 2 because they are crying for a reason even if you don’t know what it is you are the parent figure it out. They may indeed be sleepy but it is quicker to just take the few minutes to lay down with them than to have them screaming and crying and constantly getting angry because they are sleep yet. Not to sound mean but I have never let my kids just cry and I hate parents that do. I would take the time out that I needed to lay down with them until they were asleep and then leave. My daughter who is four now will come tell me she wants to take a nap or she’s sleepy and will go lay day. letting kids cry it out at that age just because you don’t feel like dealing with them is going to cause problems for them in the future. They need to feel reassured that someone is there so they are not afraid. I hope this helps. Good Luck with your survey!
February 5th, 2012 at 2:30 am
I don’t use the cry it out method and never will.
I believe that babies cry for a reason, and us as there mothers or providers its our job to figure out why they are crying
February 5th, 2012 at 2:55 am
As long as it takes. If you show them that you will cave if they cry long enough, they will keep on crying.
Our son used this extensively as a toddler to put a stop to whatever he didn’t like (such as bedtime). He pushed this out to HOURS when he was about 2 until my husband finally crushed it by just letting him cry and stopping me from tending to him. Within a few days it stopped altogether.
I’m not saying we ignored crying altogether. If the kid cries, we see what the problem is. If nothing is actually wrong and the kid is just manipulating, then we ignore it.
February 5th, 2012 at 3:10 am
I would never let a 4 month old cry it out. I didn’t start that until my daughter was about 8 months old. That’s about the time when she realized I would come back into the room when she cried even if it was for nothing. I would check on her ever 5 minutes, until she would settle down and finally get to sleep.
February 5th, 2012 at 3:59 am
4-8 months no longer then 5 minutes 8-14 months 10-15 minutes 2 years old let them cry they know how to talk and just want to get spoiled
February 5th, 2012 at 4:39 am
Honestly, it depends on the cry. She’s 19 months, and has a few different ones, though luckily, she’s communicating mostly with words now.
If she’s screaming because she’s been given a time out, she gets time out until she’s done screaming, then and additional 5 minutes of quite time.
If she’s crying with her “something is wrong” cry, then we go to her immediately, and figure out the problem. If she’s just generally discontent, though nothing is physically wrong, she gets 5-10 minutes of snuggle time, then it’s off to bed again, when she *usually* goes back to sleep. If something is physically wrong, then we obviously fix the problem.
If she’s whining because she’s fighting going to sleep, then we leave her for 5-10 minutes depending on the level of protest. If it doesn’t resolve itself, we follow the steps above. We never let her go to sleep screaming.
If she’s screaming because she wants something that we won’t give her, we offer her an alternative, and if she wants to tantrum, then we let her.
When she was younger (4 months-ish) she only every cried it out if we were doing something we couldn’t stop right that second. Like if we were using the washroom, had shampoo in our hair, or was cooking, or doing something else that would ultimately lead to harm if we started to neglect it. And it was never for very long, maybe a minute or two. With the exception of once, when I suddenly became very ill, and couldn’t get up because I was too busy, well being sick (won’t go into TMI, but it wasn’t pretty) and she cried for about 10 minutes, the time in which it took her father to get home from work after I called him.
ADDED: Has anyone else noticed that the questioner hasn’t said they use the cry out method.
Also, I’m not an American, and I don’t bring my daughter to bed with me every night. For many reasons. Like, my doctor telling me not to, for fear of death, my need to sleep, and her want to sleep on her own. To say that you need to react to every cry instantly is insane… I’m on the highway, and my toddler starts crying, I’m supposed to potentially get us both killed, stop the car and magically appear in the back seat instantaneously? Or I’m causing my child permanent damage. What a load of BS.
I know several very well adjusted individuals, who are in no way unbalanced, who slept on their own as children.
Also, if I were to go to bed with my child every night, the way it should be, my house would be disgustingly dirty, I’d be disgustingly dirty, we’d all get sick, and that would be it. Then I’d have protective services show up at my door and take my daughter. How do I sleep with her then?
The idea of giving a 2 year old whatever they want, whenever they want is completely ridiculous. I’d never have any food in the house, I’d be constantly doing laundry, and my bedroom would be in the living room.
I really don’t see how this is a thumbs up thumbs down right and wrong questions. Obviously, most of us who answered are parents. And to imply to any parent that they are causing their child permanent damage when they are simply doing the best that they can to raise their kids in a way that makes sense to them, is simply heartless.
Perhaps those Harvard grads should spend some more time figuring out why parents give their children up to become suicide bombers, instead of implying that people who try to take care of their children are doing a bad job.
February 5th, 2012 at 5:10 am
When they where infants I would let them cry for about 5 min go in there room put the paci back in rub there head and tell them night night at toddler age 1 and up I would let them cry for 15 min then go in give them there paci cover them up tell them night night. I think its funny how some parents say babies cry for a reason NOT true when they get older theey can cry just so you will come in the room kids are smart they know what they are doing around 6 months they know how to work there parents.
February 5th, 2012 at 5:31 am
i usually let my daughter who is 10 months old cry for about 15-30 min. however my husband is better at this than me so he keeps telling me shes fine. otherwise i would be in there. but he is right i would say 80% of the time she goes to sleep after this period. and now she sometimes doesn’t cry at all just talks until she goes to sleep.
and if i go back in i usually just make sure she is ok not stuck in a corner or standing up. and if i have to back in i rock her but this doesn’t happen often.
what is your opinion with all your experience on what is the right way? im very curious. because i don’t know if i am doing the right thing.
February 5th, 2012 at 5:55 am
“I don’t need advice — I’m a childcare provider I know what to do”
Whatever. Your methods = extremely lazy.
edit: Have read asker’s previous Q&As on here. Asker actively promotes leaving tots to sob alone.
February 5th, 2012 at 6:41 am
What I did with my children was: I would let them cry for 5 min then hold them or rub their hair till they went to sleep. Then after about 3 days I would add a couple more minutes to their crying time. It only took me about a 10 days to get them to lay down by themselves.
February 5th, 2012 at 7:36 am
i let him cry for ten minutes at the most then i go in and comfort him hold him give him his baba or binky rub his back then repeat the process all over again
February 5th, 2012 at 8:21 am
I don’t believe in letting a child “cry it out”. It’s cruel and infants are incapable of learning lessons from stress. Also did you know that the only time an infants brain isn’t growing is when they are crying? Maybe that’s why my kids are so smart ;’)
February 5th, 2012 at 9:09 am
I would usually let my daughter cry for 5 min or so. I knew if she was still crying after that that she either was not tired or needed some reassurance. Now that she is older it depends on the cry, there is a “im not going to sleep/nap” cry and there is a “ill calm down in just a minute”. She usually goes right to sleep.
February 5th, 2012 at 10:08 am
my daughter is a crier. straight up. from birth to now-she is 2. i didn’t let her cry it out until she was about a year old though. i would go in at 10 minute intervals and usually i only had to go in once or twice. now that she is 2 and a few months, she knows when it is bedtime and i’ll let her cry for up to 20 minutes before i go in. i just go in, get her back in her bed comfortably, give her the bink if she wants it, make sure she has baby, and pat her booty. sometimes she wants to listen to music. usually she’s just fighting it because if anyone else is awake, she thinks she should be too.
different things work for different kids, and parents. no point in allowing myself to get all worked up and impatient because she is screaming. that does not help the situation.
if you don’t let your kids cry it out, good for you. honestly if i didn’t let her cry and learn to soothe herself she would probably be sleeping in the bed with us. no need to be ugly or condescending about it. and as far as “maybe that’s why my kids are so smart,” people think my daughter is 3 or 4 years old instead of 2. she speaks very well, very clearly and has a large vocabulary. different strokes for different folks people, get off your high horses.
February 5th, 2012 at 10:25 am
I am always surprised when I see all the people who say letting your child cry is lazy and that they cry for a reason and you should stay with them always. What if your child cried because you were in the room? That’s what happened with my daughter. When I tried to move her from our bed to her own, she would cry for about 3 hours if I tried to rock her to sleep, after which point I gave in, not her. If she was in our room she would not sleep. We tried the “No Cry Sleep Solution” for 3 months (from 6-9 months) and it made everything so much worse for us, no matter which things we tried. I ended up getting severe anemia and feeling like I was so exhausted at night that my sleeping with her was unsafe. Her pediatrician told us to put her in her own room in her own bed and let her cry. She said to go check on her every 10-15 minutes and to stay for less than 30 seconds – just to go in and make sure she wasn’t hurt or really needing us. She cried for 20 minutes the first night and has never cried since.
In my case I think I was keeping her from sleeping by being all over her and trying to “help” her sleep. I know that before I tried it I couldn’t see letting her cry as being a good thing or even an acceptable thing, but circumstances led me to feeling that was my only option and I am glad that I took it. What works for one child doesn’t work for all children and I hope that the people who are so against letting their children cry don’t ever have a child like mine, but it certainly opened my eyes.