I have started letting my 11 month old “cry it out” am I going to scar her for life?
ByQuestion by Mother and wife: I have started letting my 11 month old “cry it out” am I going to scar her for life?
I always let my daughter sleep in bed with me and my husband, but she is getting bigger and it’s not working for either of us.
We now have her sleeping in her crib. At first I would rock her in my arms, she would go to sleep and then I would move her to the crib but she always woke up. So not I am letting her cry it out. She always goes to sleep on her own after 5 minutes. I meet all her needs first. Is this ok to do? I’ve read so many things that say she is going to be emotionally scarred.
My mom let me cry it out from 6 weeks on and I actually have a lot of abandonment issues that I think stem from that.
Best answer:
Answer by Lisa
She will be fine. Your mom probably used cry it out on you. Are you scarred from it?
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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9 Comments
February 8th, 2012 at 10:55 am
It depends on what you mean by “crying it out”.
You can’t just leave her alone in a dark room, screaming and sobbing for an hour or two. That is obviously not going to be pretty.
But if you let her whimper a bit, after you have comforted her and so forth, and as you say, she falls asleep on her own in just a few minutes, I think that she will be absolutely fine.
Good luck to you.
February 8th, 2012 at 11:54 am
i’d just stick to the rule that “after 5 minutes is too much”, as its working for you- and you do get to a stage where it is “whatever works, we’ll do”. my daughter is almost 11 months and i had her in bed with us also until a few weeks ago. I have the cot put up right next to me in bed (we live in a unit, so until we move the cots in there) and i think thats why the transition was so easy for us. But after a little while she will get used to the routine of going in the cot = sleep and she wont scream anymore. if she becomes too distressed or doesnt calm down, give her a hug, a kiss and try again.
best of luck
February 8th, 2012 at 12:42 pm
Only five minutes? That’s not bad at all. I personally don’t let my daughter cry on her own any longer than that without going in to comfort her. Sometimes, she wakes up, whimpers and whines for a little bit and then falls back asleep on her own.
One of your daughter’s needs is comfort and security from her care givers, so as long as she doesn’t seem distressed in her crying or persistent then it should be OK. Trust your mommy intuition. You will know when your baby needs you to come in and comfort her to get back to sleep and when she is likely to get back to sleep on her own.
As an alternative, try putting her down drowsy, not asleep, in her bed after you have rocked her that way she is quiet and just sort of laying there. You can rub her belly or her sides and talk to her as you walk out the room.
February 8th, 2012 at 1:38 pm
she’ll live.
February 8th, 2012 at 1:43 pm
There is no way you can emotionally scar a child by letting them cry for 5 minutes before they self settle, provided (as you say) you have/are meeting all her other needs! She is 11 months old and needs to learn how to self settle – which it sounds like she is learning! Good on you for drawing the line now – the longer you leave her in your bed, the harder it would be to break the habit.
I personally think that anything below 3 months is a bit young to cry it out, but each to their own.
Good luck!
February 8th, 2012 at 1:56 pm
I’m pretty sure that we don’t retain any memories from before about two years old, so I doubt that that’s where any abandonment issues you have come from.
It sounds like you’re doing just fine. They have to move into their own bed eventually. If she goes to sleep on her own within 5 minutes, it’s ok. She will not be emotionally scarred. Letting them cry for a few minutes and them passing out almost right away is different than letting your baby scream and scream for a long time until they pass out.
You and your husband need your own space, and your baby needs to know that she has a bed of her own. You’ll both be ok
I promise!
February 8th, 2012 at 2:22 pm
would you like to for her to still be sleeping in your bed at a5 years old. Im sure your husband will not. If you dont stop it now, it will be even harder and take longer to get her to sleep by herslef. No you are not scaring her. Dont become one of those mothers who run to their baby at every wimper. If she is not hungry sick or hurt let her be. Believe it or not i have seen alot of people marriages go downhill cause the mother keeps letting the child sleep with her and her husband. You are not being abandoned by being made to sleep in your own bed. you said she falls asleep after 5 minutes so 5 minutes of crying is not hurting her.
Sorry mom if you can remember crying it out a 6 weeks you may have something else going on, not abandonment issues
February 8th, 2012 at 2:52 pm
plain and simple yes, you will scar her. look at the issues you faced, perfect example right there. no baby or toddler should be left to cry alone ever, its cruel and its neglect.
February 8th, 2012 at 3:31 pm
You attend to your child’s needs and yes, they do come before your own. You attend to them quickly and with love and patience. Bedtime should be a time of rest and relaxation and not one that invokes fear and tears. Follow your mommy intuition. If you think it’s harming her and you feel anxiety over it, then it’s not the right thing to do.