My son is 31/2 months old, is it too early to start sleep training and letting him cry it out?
ByMy son has been falling asleep in my arms since birth and he typically goes to sleep around 11. I would like him to have an earlier bed time, around 7pm. I’ve read books and they say to start putting him to bed by himself earlier and earlier every night and to let him cry it out in his crib. Is it too early to start sleep training him? Is to cruel?
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21 Comments
January 30th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
I didn’t do that with either kid and they learned to sleep on their own when they were ready. Follow your instincts, not a book.
January 30th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
It’s really really hard..It can be done and no I don’t think it’s too early at all..In my experience the earlier you start the easier it will be on him and you
January 30th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
i made my son the happiest baby regaurdless for about 6 months and then had to cut the cord, but i think its best to have a schedule you and your baby are comfy with
January 30th, 2010 at 4:16 pm
It’s when you feel it is right, my daughter is 9 months and still falls asleep in my arms. It’s going to be really hard at first but the sooner the better I Suppose. Good luck!
January 30th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
if bottle feed yes
breast feed no
sleep is not neccessary a trainable thing but you can, change it just do it it breaks your heart, let him cry for like 10 mins with you nearby, than try 20 mins and so on until he changes the time in his head
January 30th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
Actually, right around 4 months is a perfect time, in my opinion… that’s when I did it with my kids. They aren’t too young, but they aren’t quite old enough to know the difference either (the younger, the easier they are to “train”). And no, it’s not cruel and if you do it right, it should only take like 2-3 nights for you to get your baby on a good schedule where he’s putting himself to sleep. good luck!! Just remember to be strong and not to give in.
January 30th, 2010 at 5:34 pm
I wouldnt do the cry it out method it would drive you nuts. but try sticking to a daily routine maybe trying waking him up a little earlier and making him tired throughout the day and having a set bedtime routine including feeding him well for a few days and it should work
January 30th, 2010 at 5:39 pm
It is not too early to stop spoiling him.
Many books were written by experts, so don’t ignore them if you are not sure. Otherwise there wouldn’t be colleges and universities.
January 30th, 2010 at 5:50 pm
absolutely not too early…I talked to my doctor when my daughter was that age and they said to make sure her diaper was clean and she was fed and lay her down and let her cry for 20 minutes then go back in and talk to her then leave again, and gradually wait longer amounts of time between. Of course, I hated hearing her crying so I always gave in and she’s almost 2 and still has to have me in the room in order to go to bed tonight so I would definitely recommend starting as soon as you are comfortable and stick with it. You and your baby will both be happier in the long run. Good luck!
January 30th, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Well, I never could do that. Even when she was a year, my baby would some night wake up and cry and the pediatrician told me to leave her in there and shed cry herself to sleep. There was just a part of me that ached when Id hear her crying…it just didnt feel right to ignore it. They cry cause they need comfort.
January 30th, 2010 at 7:26 pm
Yes, I think it’s cruel and downright negligent at any age. A baby cries to get his basic needs met, and comfort is a basic need. Meeting a child’s basic needs will NOT spoil him. However, ignoring them is harmful. If your baby cries, pick him up – period. Sorry, but it’s part of parenthood.
Furthermore, he is just 3 months old. Some babies may sleep through the night by his age, but a great many don’t until much later. Just keep meeting his needs as HE needs them, based on what he clock or the books say. Sometimes, doing what’s right isn’t the same as doing what’s easy.
January 30th, 2010 at 8:23 pm
I personally would never use this “cry it out” pseudo method. It is ridiculous to think that a baby is to be “trained”. Babies need to be fed regularly, period.
If you have the heart, –like I am sure many do— to let a baby cry for your own comfort, well, what can I say. Do not believe everything that is written in books or is shown on TV. Read all the different theories out there, and form your own opinion.
January 30th, 2010 at 8:31 pm
At 3 1/2 months they still needed my assistance. You will know your child, if they are crying, then they might still need your help to get them to bed. 7 is a good time, but expect them to wake up for feedings. I’d turn on a fan, pointed in a different direction, for white noise, give them a pacifier, swaddle if they let you, and if they start crying harder, then at that age, you should pick them up.
January 30th, 2010 at 8:35 pm
He is too young. Yes, it’s cruel.
Even Dr. Ferber, who wrote the book on controlled crying it out, recommends that a child be at least 6 months old (and even he has backed away from some of his original statements.)
There’s nothing wrong with him falling asleep in your arms.
There’s nothing wrong with him naturally finding a bed time.
He’ll naturally start moving it earlier and earlier as the months go by–as his tummy grows and he can hold more milk to sleep longer.
January 30th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
I have heard that you have to time their crying i personally dont like, it hurts me more that will hurt my baby girl, venthought she is 9 wekks now she is really good about it an goes to bed at 8-9 and she doent like to be in my arms for that, although during the day is the only way she will sleep in our arms (weird) but anyways i will recommend , because i have one, this fisher price toy that you can hang in the crib that has a recreation of a rainforest but is really cool becuase it has blue and orange little lights and the monkey hags around and has water sounds and stuff, really cute, the first nights i put that to the baby and she will just stare at it and little by little fall sleep, i saw Target has them, i got mine as a baby shower gift from another mom friend and i sware she must have known it worked wonders, they have to learn to soothe themselves and little help from these toys will make you feel better too. I also got these baby eistein cds with classical music that i play everynight, that gives me the background so she doesnt hear me moving around because they have ears! oh my god! but anyways you create habits for them it takes 3 days to get into one so just be consistant. Those soothing melodies help a lot, buy them second hand (try craiglist or ebay) to see if they help you as much as they helpedme. good luck
January 30th, 2010 at 9:04 pm
If your grandmother were to become incapacitated and was in your care. If she were unable to get out of bed and needed you to help her drink, eat and go to the bathroom. Would you let her scream for help because it was “bedtime”. Would you ignore her saying “I am very thirsty, please come hold my glass for me”? Would you tell her “I’m sorry but allowing you to fulfill your needs right now is a bad habit”; it must be stopped. You aren’t really thirsty”.
And if you did let her scream and the police investigated would you be guilty of elder abuse.
If it is abuse for an adult, it is abuse for a child.
Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp
Wakeful 4 Month Olds
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/4mo-sleep.html
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleep.html
Should my baby be sleeping through the night?
It’s so common for mothers to worry when their babies don’t sleep through the night. After all, everyone knows they’re “supposed to.” Some doctors recommend nighttime weaning and “cry it out” methods if your baby is not sleeping through the night by 6 months or even earlier. Even when the mom herself has no problems with baby nursing at night, she still worries that this is a problem, since American society seem to consider it one. There are books all over the bookstores with advice on solving so-called “sleep problems.”
First, please ignore what everyone else says about your baby’s sleep habits and what is “normal.” These people are not living with you or your baby. Unless your doctor sleeps in the next room and your baby is keeping him awake every night, he has no reason to question a healthy baby’s sleep habits. If you and your baby enjoy nighttime feedings, then why not continue? It’s a great way to have time with her, particularly if you are apart during the day.
The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night
by Elizabeth Pantley
McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Books, 2002
http://www.kellymom.com/pantley/index.html#ncss
January 30th, 2010 at 9:51 pm
When a child cries they are searching for comfort, their MOTHER. I dont believe in letting a child cry to get on a schedule, you are on THEIR schedule. When you answer your baby you are making them more SECURE with YOU. They know that when they cry that mother is coming NO MATTER WHAT. If you really want him to go to sleep rub his back or head, but let him know you are there. Trust me, this will make both you and your son a-lot happier. Because when he is crying he isnt thinking “bed time” he just wants you…and you should be there… .But then again…This is coming from a mother who sleeps with her son..LOL so I havent had this problem yet. LOL. You should get the “Baby Book” by the Sears. Great advice…
January 30th, 2010 at 10:30 pm
Yes, it is cruel! Try reading “The No Cry Sleep Solution,” it has lots of tips other than crying it out. You should be starting a consistent bedtime routine. Slowly move bedtime up earlier. Rock your baby to sleep and then put him in the crib when he’s sleepy, and each night put him in when he is more and more awake.
Here’s some info on why CIO is bad (especially for young babies!)
Children Need Touching and Attention, Harvard Researchers Say http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html
“Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with them, where they’ll feel safe, [...]the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds — even separate rooms — and not responding quickly to their cries may lead to incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders when these children reach adulthood.
The early stress resulting from separation causes changes in infant brains that makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons and Miller.
“Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently,” Commons said. “It changes the nervous system so they’re overly sensitive to future trauma.””
Weaning from Co-Sleeping without Crying It Out http://www.breastfeeding123.com/weaning-from-co-sleeping-without-crying-it-out-mom-to-mom-9/
A Fact-Based Case Against Letting Your Baby “Cry It Out” http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/19237/a_factbased_case_against_letting_your.html
Long term cognitive development in children with prolonged crying. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15499048?dopt=Abstract
Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp
Can leaving a baby to ‘cry it out’ cause brain damage? http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/07/14/the_odd_body_crying/
January 30th, 2010 at 11:01 pm
IF HE’S TIRED YES!! MY SON IS 4 MONTHS AND HE FIGHTS HIS SLEEP ALL OF THE TIME. HE IS DEAD TIRED AND EVEN IF I ROCK HE FIGHTS IT. BUT I LAY HIM DOWN AND HE WHINES FOR ABOUT 5 MINS AND THEN I PICK HIM UP AND ROCK HIM AND HE’S ASLEEP IN 2 MINS. AND IF THAT DOESN’T WORK LET HIM WHINE HE’LL FALL ASLEEP IN 10 MINS!
January 30th, 2010 at 11:06 pm
No, it isn’t too early to start sleep training.
Try sleep training 1st but really its up to him and his feeding schedules.
Make sure he is active during the day maybe shorten a nap during the day and about 9 pm for bedtime.
My baby at 3 months, I would not allow him to cry out, those times are crucial times to with your child when they cry- they don’t want to be ignored or feel abandoned.
A swing, mirrored mobiles for the crib with soft light in the room, bouncee, swaddling, walks/ car rides help a lot.
January 30th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
No, it isn’t too early. Please don’t listen to these people who say that CIO is cruel. It is only cruel if you aren’t consistent (you go in sometimes and don’t go in other times). Your baby needs to learn how to put himself to sleep. But, like I said, you need to be consistent with how you do it! I waited until 6 months to do this and I wish I had done it sooner!