Should we let our baby cry it out for 15 minutes at night to see if she will go back to sleep?
ByShe is almost 10 months old. She sleeps in her crib. It breaks my heart to hear her cry but my wife thinks its ok to let her cry and that she needs to learn to put herself back to sleep. After 15 minutes, she will pick her up.
Related posts:
- My baby needs me right next to him to sleep, how can i get him in crib for the whole night?
- How do I get my 10.5 month old to sleep through the night?
- Any advice for helping 7-month-old sleep at night?
- mothers how did you teach your baby to self settle themselves to sleep? NO cry it out method answers?
- My 8 1/2 month old son wakes, and won’t go back to sleep?
13 Comments
February 1st, 2010 at 11:37 am
No it is never ok to leave a baby to ‘cry it out’ and what does your wife think the baby is learning if she does pick her up after 15 mins??
February 1st, 2010 at 11:41 am
No. It’s not right to have a baby cry. And she’s not old enough to understand why you are abandoning her. She hasn’t done anything wrong. Babies just need help getting to sleep/getting back to sleep.
Please don’t do it. YOu will likely regret it later and with good reason.
Your kids are only little once. Cherish the cuddle years.
February 1st, 2010 at 12:38 pm
definitely! That baby is old enough to know that bed time means sleep and she should be sleeping completely through the night. She needs to cry it out a few times and then she’ll be good. I promise. I have three boys and a ten month old right now who goes to bed like a champ.
February 1st, 2010 at 1:00 pm
It is alright to let your baby cry for 15 mins. It helps develop their lungs too! If you pick her up every time she cries, she will expect that all the time. Even when she is much older. My aunt and uncle are going through this with a 5 year old. They picked her up every time she cried.
February 1st, 2010 at 1:37 pm
We were told the same thing by our pediatrician for our 7 week old. We let her cry for 10-15 mins (for me its closer to 10 mins, for my wife its closer to 15mins) when we put her down (not necessarily to sleep) and then will pick her up if she hasn’t stopped crying. Mind you, this isn’t everytime that she cries we wait 10-15mins to pick her up, but typically when we put her down for some playtime, sleep, tummy time, etc..
You also need to make sure that she doesn’t have a wet/poopy diaper though or anything else that may be the cause of her crying and not just that she doesn’t want to be not held.
February 1st, 2010 at 2:03 pm
It does no harm to let a child cry for a few minutes. What she learns otherwise is that all she needs to do is cry and someone will come running. Other options are to go into her room and do things like softly speak to her or gently rub her back.
crying also strengthens their lungs, she’s not being ignored and I trust things like feeding and changing have been attended too. Nobody likes to hear a crying baby, but sometimes a few minutes of it is necessary.
February 1st, 2010 at 2:50 pm
I thought it was terrible too but my doctor told me that they used to let their daughter cry for an hour sometimes after they checked to make sure she was not hungry, wet, ect. So letting my son cry for 15 mins. doesn’t really bother me as bad as it used to. Plus after he falls asleep I always go in and check on him and make sure he is covered up so he doesn’t get cold. I wish I would have started with my son earlier. Then I wouldn’t be having the problem I am now.
February 1st, 2010 at 3:32 pm
Never ever leave a baby to cry. Your baby is waking up alone in a cold crib in a dark room… sounds like a very comforting place, right? A baby of 10 months still needs the assurance of his or her parents’ presence. Right now you and your wife is the most comforting thing for your baby, and believe me, it will not be that long before she will sleep on her own if you make sure she feels confident that someone will come and help her if she is in need. What will happen when you daughter is four years old, and wakes from a nightmare? Will she just have to cry herself to sleep, or is it ok to comfort a four year old, but not a baby?
If your wife is too tired to deal with nighttime waking, then show her that you are a committed and caring father, and go pick up your daughter. Offer a sip of water, and a lullaby, and she will be off to sleep knowing that her dad will always be there for her.
February 1st, 2010 at 3:54 pm
It depends. I always check on her to make sure that there isn’t anything wrong with her and if she’s just woken up, she needs to figure out how to put herself to sleep or you’ll always be getting up (I have friends who have 4 year olds that they still get up in the middle of the night.) I can usually tell if she’s waking up and crying because something hurts. If it’s crying just because she woke up…I let her cry 10 minutes unless the crying seems to be escalating. My daughter is now 20 months old and now if she wakes up and cries it’s because her teeth or tummy are hurting. Now if she wakes up and nothing is wrong, she knows how to put herself to sleep and I don’t hear anything from her.
February 1st, 2010 at 4:44 pm
we let our son cry for a few minutes, more like 5 min, then went in to check on him… we NEVER picked him up…..we shoosh him, pat his chest, let him know hes okay, and sometimes give a pacifier….this worked because now he has been sleeping through the night, he is a preemie and almost 4 months.
February 1st, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Completely okay, I have done the same with my own daughter. As long as she’s fed, has a clean diaper and not sick then she will be perfectly fine. If it makes it easier for you and if she’s standing in the crib just go into her room and talk to her but DON’T pick her up and lay her back down and tuck her in and explain to her it’s bed time, after 2 or 3 times of doing this she should be exhausted and pass out. Don’t make a habit of waiting until she falls asleep to sneak out of the room, you will pay for it later down the road. She should be sleepy but not asleep when you lay her down. Playing music for her might help her as well, of course a night light that moves would be a nice touch as well, she can focus on that and dose away own her own.
February 1st, 2010 at 5:19 pm
There is no need to let your baby ‘cry it out’. If it goes against your instinct, trust it! Your baby needs comfort. Teaching your baby that you will go to her and comfort her when she’s upset is not a bad thing at all. You are instilling trust and attachment in her.
She will learn to fall asleep on her own when she is ready to do so, they all do.
By waiting 15 minutes then picking her up, she is learning that someone WILL come, so she will continue to cry until they do anyway.
BTW it’s been said that saying that crying is good for the lungs is like saying bleeding is good for the veins! Do you like to be left alone when you cry? What if you had no words to communicate your needs and every once in a while someone came in and shushed you?!?!
February 1st, 2010 at 6:17 pm
I think it is perfectly fine to let your baby cry, especially when you know that you have fed the baby, the diapers are changed and the baby is safe.
Babies just cry sometimes for no reason. And will settle down and get busy with some other activity in a few minutes. If you pick your baby up the moment she/he starts crying…good luck..coz it will take no time for the baby to become clingy and expect the same behavior from you every single time.
As others said, this is not being cruel, just being prudent. Of course the baby is still crying after 15 minutes, you should always check whether she/he is fine or not and comfort them.