Have you ever used a doula during labor and delivery?
ByMy wife told me last night that she wants to have a doula next time she is pregnant. It bothered me becaues I was feeling like she wanted to replace me with a doula during labor and delivery. She has to carry the child and give birth to the child, the only part of the process that I can help with is her breathing, massage, encouragement and support. I went to all of the natural birth classes with her, to all of her appointments and even to her lactation consultant. I wanted to be involved with everything. I will be very upset if that duty is given to a stranger, especially one that we are going to have to pay good money to be there. Have any of you ever used a doula and did it effect your partners attitude towards the labor and delivery? Or were they both able to contribute without any problems?
Thanks,
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5 Comments
May 5th, 2010 at 9:38 am
Awe, that’s really sweet of you. Well firstly, the doula isn’t someone who takes your place, it is someone who just helps the mother carry out her birth plan and can inform her of any medical complications or avoidable procedures to help her progress the way she wants. I was going to have a doula with this pregnancy and my hsuabnd was totally fine with it. She basically contributes in ANY way you and the mother would like. It is really nice to have someone so supportive there, the more the merrier!
May 5th, 2010 at 10:30 am
i have never had one but there not there to replace you its kind of like say your mother in law waas there … she wouldnt replace you either … but this person will be able to soothe her and tell her different positions to lay in or breathing techniques … or have other suggestions that she might be able to relay to the dr or nurses ect
May 5th, 2010 at 11:19 am
I just had a baby and I would not stand for any one but my husband telling me what to do or how to do it! Some people are different and need a an expert ya know. She is the one having the baby and I think you should just back her up what ever her decision. It may comfort her a great deal having the two of you there. Also, I am sure that she couldn’t do this with out you! Hope this helps. This is just my opinion and doesn’t make it right.
May 5th, 2010 at 11:44 am
Wow, what a great guy! I wish my husband wanted ot be that involved. I had 5 home births. There were always two midwives present. One for the mom and one for the baby if things go wrong at the end. I liked having a female present who had been through the same things I was going through. It was comforting. If this is your first baby let me tell you labor can last a long time. 36 hours for my first, 24 of those in the hospital. You may like having someone else there to give you a break and let you take a nap. Don’t feel offended. A woman just wants another woman with her when she is in labor. (What about one of your moms. Would one of them be willing to take some classes and help, or one of your wife’s good friends whose already had a baby. That way you wouldn’t have to pay for anyone and it wouldn’t be a stranger. I usually have one of my good friends with me too.
May 5th, 2010 at 12:33 pm
My husband and I had a doula, but she in no way replaced my hubby. He was also unsure, as he wanted to be as active as possible. Our doula was amazing, she supported me and my hubby (getting him drinks/food as needed, offering him breaks, explaining medical jargon). She suggested ways to help me relax, but did not force/interfere. She was also company for him when I went to sleep part way through labour (crazy, but I did.) But my hubby was definitely active. Due to pre-eclampsia I had a FULL delivery room: OB, Midwife and her student, nurse and her student, doula, resident, plus my hubby. And yet, it was myhusband doing all the coaching and encouraging when I got to pushing.
A doula is there for both of you. Try interviewing and let her know your concerns. I was very reassured having our doula there. She is trained to help me relax, and was able to help my hubby help me to stay focused.