Attachment parenting Vs. more “hands off” approach.. Opinions?

Whatever works best for mom & baby is best.

Personally I took a few things from each camp and we are perfectly happy.

i’m more of a hands-off person. establishing a connection with the baby is a good idea, but remember, God gives us children so we can teach them and guide them to become self-sufficient, responsible people. attachment parenting has it’s good points, but to me it can tell the baby that the baby runs the world, when in reality, we are all essential, we are all necessary. the sooner they learn that, the better off they will be.

One is backed by science, one isn’t.

Human infants are designed to be held almost constantly and cue fed more than once an hour. This is clearly evident from their level of development, and the fat content of breastmilk. It is clear when you look at our closest relatives in the primate world.

CIO and scheduled feedings have been proven to have negative effects both in the short and long term. Everything from failure to thrive to mental illness in adults.

I just do what comes natural to me and my baby…

My first son sleep with me for a little while, and he ate when he was hungry, a a parents i believe i was ablt to tell after a bit when he was hungry, and when he was just fussing….

I dont think one person cuold explain how the whole world should raise their kids..

I dont think anyone knows about your child more than you…

Doctors, are all practicing doctors, and i believe that no one knows more than the PARENTS….This is why i have not read the books, or gone crazy with anything else..I asked a few people like my mom for help or my sister has one child, i asked her what she did….

Other than that i believe a mothers instincts should kick in, i know mine did, and i have a healthy 2 year old and another one on the way…

There are good points to both. Every baby is different and so is every parent. People need to listen to experts less and do what feels right more.

well i believe that whatever works best for the parent and baby.
i had no idea how i would raise my baby. he’s only 13 months now. i started the co-sleeping after getting home from the hospital. it just kind of happened that way with breastfeeding and all…it was alot easier to get my rest when he was right there next to me. so it’s stuck to this day, my husband works midnights so it’s mostly just me and the baby at night. of course i have a bedrail up. Not once has he fallen off the bed. I never got on an exact feeding schedule either. It was easier to feed him when he was hungry. I didnt’ want to push him to eat just because the clock said that it was time to eat. i didn’t want him getting used to a schedule and absolutely had to eat at a certain time if we ever had to go do something at the time that he normally ate. i wore him alot when he was younger when we went out for a long day. i’d always have him in his jumper when he wasn’t able to crawl around yet when I’d go cook in the kitchen so he could watch me. I pretty much had him in whatever room i was in, even while he napped or when I would shower. At 13 months old now he is fine playing on his own and he doesn’t always have to be in the same room as me if i’m cooking or anything. He’s not totally attatched to me but he is soooo loving. He hugs and kisses and he is just so amazing. I feel that I’m doing a good job with him. He’s very happy and so am I.
If the more hands on approach is better for the mommy and baby then that is great for them too!

It all depends on what you are comfortable with as a parent, and what your childs needs are. I thought that i was going to be more hands off while i was pregnant with my first. Once he was here, my instincts and his needs led me to lean more on the methods of attachment parenting. I really enjoyed wearing him, he didn’t get put down for almost the first 3 months of his life!!!! And although everyone told me i would spoil him, he is a very independent child now at 18 months. I believe it is because we have been reinforcing his whole life that if he needs us we will be there right away. However at about 5 months old we did start to schedual feeding and nap times etc. Because he does better on a routine and schedual then if we just wing it. So we took a little bit from both i guess.

now i am pregnant again and i plan to continue with attachment parenting methods, but who knows. Maybe this baby will be easy going from the get go and a hands off approach will be best.

I have to disagree with Julie- we use AP with both of ours- and our son has autism. He is thriving because of the care, love, support, etc. Typically, autistic children have melt-downs, and discipline issues. Our son does not. He is really doing well, and his therapists attribute it to attachment parenting. No, he is not cosleeping at 10, but he did until he was 2.5.

Attachment parenting is not about letting your child run free. Boundaries are established as your child grows. Consistency and firmness are in there. We use it now with our baby who is 12 months 3 weeks old, and she also thrives.

I breastfeed and scheduling feeds was not even an option in my mind. Babies are hungry when they are hungry- feed them. They wake up at night from time to time. The whole “sleep through the night” thing goes in phases depending on what is going on in the child’s world and in their physical development.

So, our belief is in Attachment parenting but what works for others is for them and not for me to say. It’s their child. Not everyone would cosleep, breastfeed, and wear their babies either. This is how I am most comfortable.

Our baby has never spent the night alone- ever. From birth to now, she has slept with us and does not own a crib. She does have a pack n play for her occasional nap- but most often sleeps in our bed. We have never had issues with bedtime for either of ours. No need to CIO and no fussing at bedtime. It’s a happy time for them and for me. The bonus is that after working all day, I can stay close at night too.

Our babies picked their own schedules and we followed their lead. We tend to be pretty laid back on this, but it has worked for us. Gradually, the number of naps decline and eventually, it’s 2 naps a day- and always at the same time. Now, it is 1 nap a day- and always at the same time, but it is a long nap.

Both are really good sleepers. Unless our baby was teething she slept through the night. She was up and down a lot last week because I returned to work. She is back on track now and adjusting to having daddy home all day and mom at night.

I do more attachment parenting. I enjoy the closeness we share during breastfeeding, the fact that he totally trusts that I’ll be there for him if he cries, etc. I baby-wear when he is having a bad day, it instantly calms him down. I see those as positives in a baby’s life.

Some may prefer a more structured approach with schedules and such. Which is great, too. Both styles have pros and cons.

You don’t need to be 100% one way or the other… you can have a combination which suits the needs of you and your child.

If there is one thing I’d stress is to give breastfeeding a fair try. It won’t be easy (for me, it hurt more than childbirth), but totally worth it! And it releases hormones that relax you, you’ll definitely need those after giving birth!

Good luck with your decision!

I was sort of surprised to read how many responders say that each parent should do what is best for him/her. I think we should be more concerned with what is best for our babies. After all, isn’t their well-being more important than what is convenient for us?

Before I had my daughter, I had never even heard of Attachment Parenting. In fact, I initially dismissed it. (This philosophy is not at all in line with the way I was raised.) After trial and error for the first month or so, I realized that Attachment Parenting IS, actually, parenting by instinct through nurturing, empathy, responsiveness, respect and above all, love. It is a name simply given to a parenting style that is as old as the mountains and passed down from the oldest of Old Souls. It is the way it was and was meant to be, before we all got too wrapped up in our own lives and happinesses to properly nurture our children.

I always knew I would at least attempt to breastfeed my daughter, as it is understood and widely accepted as what is best for her (and truthfully, is SO much easier and more convenient than bottles, IMO), but I thought I would stop around 6 months…. then a year….then 18 months… I never guessed she would be two and still nursing. (I happen to also believe in child led weaning, though obviously did not when I began this venture.) I do not believe that you should force a child to give up nursing before they are ready any more than I believe you can (or should) force a child to sleep through the night, eat solid food or use the potty before he or she is ready.

I’ve never believed in the CIO method, nor have I ever left my daughter alone to cry. It never felt right, and I have always believed that if it doesn’t feel right, there has to be another (better!) way. Its is just plain WRONG to supress your maternal desire to pick up and comfort your crying child in order to “train” them to sleep at night because you can’t be bothered to get up and comfort them. I read quite a bit about different ways to encourage sleeping through the night (believe me, I am not one who functions well on little sleep!), and though I tried several things (including co-sleeping, which though I loved it, my daughter did not) I could never allow her to cry herself to sleep because of some awful things I read about how potentially harmful it could be. (I’m not necessarily saying that all that I read was true, but for me, even the POSSIBILITY that it was PARTIALLY true, was enough to stop me from even considering it.)

As far as baby-wearing goes, I’m a HUGE advocate. I, like many first time parents, spent a ton of money on a stroller, swing, infant seat, etc. This is especially ironic, since the place my daughter was always happiest was in my arms. I didn’t get a carrier until my daughter was 8 months old (I invested in an Ergo – well worth every penny, let me tell you!). Since I got it, I almost never use the stroller. It has always calmed her to be close, and she was always a child who loved to be held. this allowed her to be with me, close to my body, while still allowing me usage of my hands to do things like grocery shopping (yep, I wear her to the grocery store!), dishes, laundry, etc. At times when she was most fussy, I would simply strap her on and go for a walk, or vacuume or (if I was really desperate) I’d even mow the lawn. Its good exercise for me, and soothing for her. (Its also wonderful for travel – MUCH easier to simply wear her through security at the airport than mess with a stroller!) A win-win situation.

Anyway, I suppose this is a bit of a long-winded way of saying that I whole-heartedly support AP, not because I’ve always believed in it, or because it was the way I was brought up (it wasn’t even close!) but because it is what I have found to be most in line with what I instinctually know is RIGHT.

Peace, Love and Light,
Michelle