HELP needed from parents that have or are currently cosleeping with an infant?
ByOur boy is 3 1/2 months old that is breastfed, has a stay-at-home mom and has slept in bed with us nightly since he was born. We are dealing with some attachment issues right now. We can’t get him to fall asleep on his own for his much needed naps during the day. This is making him more fussy and harder to deal with at times because he needs to be held to fall asleep. Sometimes he’s so overtired that he won’t sleep at all and just continues to wail. Although we love sleeping with him, we don’t want this to continue for much longer. Please offer any suggestions on how we can make this transition as smooth as possible and/or share your experiences. Also, any thoughts on the cry it out method. Thanks!
Chase’s Mommy and Daddy
We do not like the cry it out method. We are not even considering it as an option. Please try to stick with the first part of our question and give us any feedback pertaining to the main theme of the question. Thanks again!
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14 Comments
April 17th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
My boy is 3 weeks and has been sleeping in the bed with me for the last week cause he won’t sleep in the bassinet, every time I put him in it he cry. If this is what is in my future then I’m bout to put a stop to the co-sleeping.
April 18th, 2010 at 12:14 am
First of all, I know you’re frustrated, but the cry it out method is cruel – don’t do it
Can you rock him to sleep for his naps? Will he sleep in his own bed if he falls asleep while you’re rocking him, and then you lay him down?
That’s how we do it. The bassinnet we have is a 3-sided one to attach to the bed, so at night the baby sleeps with us, but during the day she naps in her own crib or in the port-a-crib in the living room.
April 18th, 2010 at 1:09 am
Start with the naps. Instead of holding, you can try laying him next to you on the bed. Swaddle him so he’s nice and bundled. Stay with him until he falls asleep, then leave the room.
April 18th, 2010 at 2:00 am
I also have a son who co-sleeps who is 3 1/2 months old. I wear him all the time, pretty much. Do you have a sling? Try wearing him and he will probably sleep better and much longer. I use a front carrier now that he can hold his head up, that way I have both arms available to do things like dishes, taking out the garbage, etc…
April 18th, 2010 at 2:58 am
I’m currently co sleeping with my 5 month old and he can be the same way. I really think that the cry it out method is unnecessarily harsh and that there are much more loving & nurturing ways to handle the situation. He may respond to being swaddled really tightly, being rocked and held to sleep then transferring him to a warm crib or bassinet…. you can get a heating pad and lay it on the matress then remove it right before you lay him down so the bedding is nice and warm…. let him lay with a shirt or clothing you’ve worn all day so he has your smell, feels nice and tight (like he’s still being held) and is warm! Then keep your hands on his belly or back and gently remove your hands once he’s in a deep sleep. I find this method really works well with my son. Also a little noise maker works wonders! We have a little noise machine and we use the water/rain button and it just plays in the background, that sound really helps them relax. There’s a book called “The no cry sleep solution” that I really recommend, it has some wonderful ideas to help you out in getting him to rest so that you can get the much needed rest you deserve! Good luck Chase’s Mommy and Daddy!!
April 18th, 2010 at 3:16 am
“We can’t get him to fall asleep on his own…”
This is because he’s a 3.5mo infant, a tiny baby. He needs a parent to put him to sleep. It’s your job; don’t shirk.
A sling or other soft carrier is a great boon.
Leaving a baby to sob alone is not really a “method,” just a form of neglect, really. Good parents do not fall for BS like “cry it out.”
April 18th, 2010 at 4:04 am
3.5 months is not way too young for you to be concerned about attachment issues. Heck, I encourage attachment, it makes for a more secure child later in life. My thoughts on the cry it out method are that it is cruel and releases stress hormones in your baby. I would feed him and put him in his crib drowsy. Then rub his back and let him fall asleep. If he cried out then I would repeat the process until he fell asleep. Eventually, you will be able to just stand next to the crib, then stand by the door, then be able to leave the room. Night time parenting is a choice you make, some people just leave their baby to cry and decide to be a parent just during the day.
April 18th, 2010 at 4:05 am
good news first – you have created his habit, so you can un-do this.. the bad news – you have to be sure that you want to go ahead with it.. it’s rather simple really – just put him in the crib and walk away.. DO NOT LOOK BACK.. he’s smart enough to know that if you look back and see him all alone, you will return.. yes, babies are smarter than we think
.. anyways.. so do that and close the door behind you.. he will be unhappy.. very unhappy.. he was sleeping with parents, all nice and cozy, never alone and now – whoa! – all of it was taken away.. anyone in his position will be unhappy.. very unhappy.. so just make sure that you monitor his crying – if it becomes uncontrollable, then by all means come in, rock him and tell him that it’s ok and that you are here and that everything is fine.. then tell him that it’s time to sleep, put him in the crib and walk out once again.. he will get it, trust me.. it will take a couple of days to adjust but in the long run, this is a much needed step..
April 18th, 2010 at 4:18 am
try putting the cot next to your bed. He may object at first but each night lay him in there and put something that smells of you and your wife like a shirt in the cot. Pat him of to sleep if he starts to cry, if he gets hysterical then pick him up and try again. Once he gets used to sleeping in the cot by himself gradually move the cot away from the bed and eventually into his own room. It will take time. Good luck.
April 18th, 2010 at 4:23 am
You need to put the baby to sleep, then immediatetly put him in his crib once he falls asleep. He needs to get used to not feeling your body heat and seeing your face when he wakes up. People fail to realize how smart babies are. Once they correlate that sleepy time mens warm bed with mommy and daddy, it’s hard to break them out of it.
I still co-sleep with our baby every once and a while. She is used to our bed and hers. She doesn’t give me a problem now, but she did a few weeks ago. She’s 12 weeks now. She sleeps in a cradle that we have in our room. The cradle is close enough to our bed that she can see and hear us. She doesn’t give us a hard time anymore. I plan on putting her in her room when she’s 5 months. She’s taking day naps in her room now so it won’t be a shock to her when she stays there all night.
The best thing for you to do is to swaddle the little guy, put him to sleep, then put him in his crib. He may wake up again once you put him down, but put on some soothing music or sing to him. Keep doing it over and over until he falls asleep. It WILL be hard. But you have to stay persistant. Let him cry for 1-2 minute tops. Sometimes they will just fall asleep on their own. Keep this up until he sleeps in his crib on his own. It may take only a few days, or maybe a week or more depending on your baby. I agree with you on the cry it out method. I don’t use it either. I will never just let my baby cry at this age. Your baby is too young for that now. You need to get baby in the habit of sleeping on his own now. Soon he will remember things, the longer you wait to transition him, the harder it will be and the longer he will be in the bed with you.
I actually like sleeping with my baby. I had attachment issues when she slept in her cradle all night long! I felt like a peice of me was missing!
Good Luck!
April 18th, 2010 at 5:11 am
Err I always lie down with them at naps and then sneak away once they are asleep?
Or you can get baby to sleep in a baby carrier, or on you while you watch TV, or while you hang out on yahoo answers.
==========
Why babies should never sleep alone: A review
of the co-sleeping controversy in relation to SIDS,
bedsharing and breast feeding
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/articles/McKenna_why%20babies%20should%20n.pdf
April 18th, 2010 at 5:27 am
My son was the same way as a newborn and he did get better about falling asleep (with us still around but not holding him) as he got older. He is 9 months now and sometimes needs to be rocked, sometimes falls asleep drinking milk, and sometimes just rolls around until he drifts off to sleep. The presence of me or daddy has always been a constant for him falling asleep, and that is just something that I am used to now. He does get very cranky when over-tired, so I tend to look for cues that he is tired and then lay him down with a bottle or try rocking him in a dim room with some type of noise (i.e. water running, bathroom vent on) in the background.
I do not agree with the cry-it-out method, and would not use it.
I think it will get easier as your baby gets older. Sometimes giving a bath just before a baby goes to bed can help them sleep better.
Best of luck & take care!
April 18th, 2010 at 5:50 am
Yes it is much easier to co-sleep when they are newborns and you are breastfeeding, I did it for the first 7 weeks when my son was born,before he went into his cot. He sleeps fine in his cot but still comes into our bed sometimes if he is unsettled (teething etc).
I also used to have trouble getting my baby to sleep during the day, you might need to try rocking him in a bouncer or something the movement may help him to fall asleep, and you are still close by. I dont know what we would have done without our bouncer, my son is 6 months old now and if I go out I take it with me as he still likes to fall asleep in it lol.. even though he is to big for it!.
It is very important for your bubs to learn to fall asleep on his own but I know how hard it can be… routine helps try to keep the same routine daily for a while and see if things improve. Good luck!!
April 18th, 2010 at 6:38 am
I have just been reading the book The No Cry Sleep Solutions by Elizabeth Pantley. Her ideas are a lot more gradual than CIO, but designed also to keep baby (and parents!) calmer through the process. She has a whole section of cosleeping with ideas on how to transition to a crib in another room. I think it would def be worth a trip to your local library.
My main suggestion would be to make the transition in pieces. If possible bring his crib into your room in the beginning. You could wear a recieving blanket so it gets your smell, then roll it up and put it in his crib. This would make the crib seem more familiar; you could even prop it next to him to kind of feel like he is sleeping next to mommy and daddy.
Another way to get babies comfortable in their crib is to let them play there a few times during the day. This can help them become familiar with the space.
As far as you holding him to go to sleep, the only real thing to do is to be persistent about putting him down in his crib. You should try to soothe him with your voice, patting, or a pacifier before you pick him up again, but I’m sure you do all those things already. Swaddling is something you can try if you haven’t already – it makes many babies feel more secure.