Baby blues…?
ByQuestion by DJ Trance: Baby blues…?
I get frusturated with having to take care of my son mostly all by myself. My wife is a “stay at home mom” and probably has postpartum depression so it doesnt workout that well. She loves to be with our son but is afraid to take care of him by all herself. She’s somewhat fine when she takes care of him at night but as soon as i come home to work she tells me to take care of him. I’m very tired when i get back, and i dont have enough money to hire a babysitter. Please tell me what i can do to either fix the situation or help my wife out with her depression.
Best answer:
Answer by Ashley
your wife should take some medication for the post partem …it will help bring her out of it.
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21 Comments
June 21st, 2011 at 10:45 am
You need to get her some type of professional help. She really needs counseling to get over this depression.
June 21st, 2011 at 10:46 am
Encourage your wife to go out and spend time with her friends, without the baby. No one can make her happier. Take atleast one night a week and stay home with Baby while Mom is gone. You will see an improvement.
June 21st, 2011 at 10:48 am
I wish there was an easy fix, but I know with me it just took time. I know what she’s going through…it’s a scary thing. She doesn’t want to feel that way but the hormones don’t leave you much choice. Just try to be patient with her and help out as much as you can…I’m sure it’ll pass soon!
Good luck and congrats on the new baby boy!
June 21st, 2011 at 11:34 am
MAYBE COUPLE CONSELING? OR JUST GET HER INTO SOME KIND OF THERPAY WHERE THEY HAVE A SLIDING SCALE PAYMENT SYSTEM? IF SHE DOES HAVE PPD, SHE MIGHT NEED SOME ANTI-DEPRESENTS. CAUSE UR RIGHT ITS NOT FAIR TO U AND IM SURE SHE KNOWS IT. GET HER SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP!
June 21st, 2011 at 12:32 pm
i went through this. first step is contact her dr and let them know. they can perscribe her meds to help with the baby blues. but mostly she needs your supposrt and love. it takes time
June 21st, 2011 at 1:06 pm
How old is the baby – that makes a difference…
You shoud work together – believe it or not it is very exhausting taking care of an infant and cleaning house.
She needs a little of her own time when you come home.
And then you should both work together – one person can not and should not care for the baby…..
However, it does get better.
Please help her as much as you can….
June 21st, 2011 at 1:10 pm
I am a stay at home mom too and I do not suffer from depression. When my husband gets home, I give him a good 20 minutes to wind down, then you get bet you butt I am handing the baby over to him for a break of my own. I understand you are at work all day and tired. But so is she. Mothering is a payless job with few breaks in between. Also it is 24/7 365. Even tho you work a full 8-9 hour day, does not let you off the hook at night. There is still parenting to do and you are a parent after all. You should be helping and giving mom a break. (but not doing it all on your own)
June 21st, 2011 at 1:40 pm
well there alot of parents get divorced because of takin care of the aby or any other situation maybe she iz scared of loosin u as others lose the other cuz of fights just talk to her
June 21st, 2011 at 2:00 pm
You worked all day and so did she. Taking care of a baby or young one is a big deal. You don’t just sit around doing nothing. She wants a break and you are it. When you walk in you should give her at least 30 minutes of rest. She has been changing diapers and feeding and all of that all day long.
It will get better. For now she is just overwhelmed and you are her only break. Try looking for an hourly day care where she can drop off the baby for an hour or two a day. Or signing up for a gym that has a day care. She can go work out and relax in the sauna while they watch after the baby.
June 21st, 2011 at 2:39 pm
What you are experiencing is extremely common… she’s been wrestling the baby the whole time you were gone.. and needs a little break when you come in.. I don’t know what your home routine is.. but it often works well if you could come in… take the baby.. and give her a little down time.. either for a shower or just to read a book or watch a little tv for a half hour or so.. it does wonders… Then, one of you could watch the baby while the other cooks … Remember, the baby belongs to both of you… and spending time with the baby when you get home is part of being a parent.
June 21st, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Have family help out don’t take this burden all by yourself (not that children are burdens) but it is allot of work the first few months. As far as you wife she needs to stop acting like she is helpless as soon as you get home, this is not postpartum. But do remember that of course you are tied you worked all day but so did your wife. If you think a stay at home mom has it easy than tell your wife to take a weekend to herself and you stay with the baby by yourself and see just how much work it really is. The bottom line is if you work as a team it will be much easier on the both of you.
June 21st, 2011 at 3:49 pm
God bless you. I am a stay at home mom and have experienced postpartum depression. I know it’s hard on you to work all day and come home and be expected to be the child care giver. These times are hard, but they will get better. When the baby is able to do more things and not be so helpless, then mom will cheer up some. It’s like I became imprisoned in our house with the baby. I had all the night feedings to myself and felt like a zombie. My husband slept in the other room so he could get a full night’s sleep before going to work, so I was completely alone. Not only that, my older child would need to be dressed for school and that was my responsibility. So I’d get to sleep at 4am and they’d come and wake me up at 6am. The lack of sleep contributed to my depression. I found that after adequate sleep if I’d get up and dressed I felt better. So…….you being there to take over for awhile does help her. Encourage her to get up and get dressed. Go out with the baby instead of staying in. It sounds like you are doing a good job, just give it time. Let her know you love her and your baby. Hopefully soon, she will not look to you to “take over” completely when you get home from work. Hang in there. Oh and make sure she’s eating good balanced meals and taking vitamins. This helps to feel BETTER.
June 21st, 2011 at 4:21 pm
Ok what do you do for a living? Unless you do major manual labor with little sleep then you don’t compare. She is a new mother. She is with the baby all day while you are at work-not guessing why baby is crying and running out of options.
I would ask that you be more patient and understanding with her. Ask what you can do to help, ask if she needs an evening alone to read, sleep, etc.
Possibly ask if she is feeling upset and if she might need to call the dr. I did have baby blues and they gave me a low level medicine.
But my husband was working a job full time, internship full time and still helped with baby when he was home. Don’t think that you get a break because you were at work all day. She wasn’t watching TV and eating bon bons.
Take a day on the weekend to have full responsibility for the child and you will appreciate your wife’s efforts more.
June 21st, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Nobody can blame you for feeling both exhausted and worried about this situation. You have a problem here; and both you and your wife need to address it ASAP before it gets so big it becomes a threat to your marriage.
I’d strongly suggest you convince her to visit her doctor and have tests run. IF you find out that she is clinically depressed, she will have to do two things: go to counseling or therapy, and also take anti-depressants for a couple of months.
There is nothing wrong in taking meds. This is exactly why they exist! Many people get depressed at least once in their lifetime; and now it’s more common than ever !
Counseling may help her if she has issues or fears about not being a good mother to her child, too. What I mean is that you are right in being concerned; so don’t wait any longer and seek professional help. She needs it, and so do you.
Good luck.
June 21st, 2011 at 5:15 pm
I would ask her to go to the doctor. I understand that you are tired when you get home from work, but parenting is a team effort. She may have a lot of anxiety about being a good mother especially if this is her first child. Do you have family that lives around you?
June 21st, 2011 at 6:00 pm
sorry, it doesn’t sound like she’s depressed at all. Shes just tired from taking care of a kid, the house, and other stuff all day long. I know you’re tired from working, but this is what having a family is all about.
June 21st, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Counseling might help her, meds as well, and hey, part of being a dad…..
June 21st, 2011 at 6:56 pm
speaking as ur wife maybe u shouldnt hit me call me ugly or a fat whore! and say im a horrablie person and bad mother. 1
you treat me horribley then maybe i wouldnt be depressed
this all started the first time u cheated on me, and the second, and the third! I want u home so i knw where u are
June 21st, 2011 at 7:13 pm
You should take time to help your wife. While you have been at work she has been working looking after your child, the least you can do is take your turn….Most men would be happy to do this without question..
June 21st, 2011 at 7:17 pm
If she does have postpartum depression than she should be under a doctors care. Reduce her stress and tell her what a good job she is doing as a mother will help her depression. Pulling your weight in the marriage will also lead to a speedy recovery.
Stress as a new mom and a shaky marriage can only make the situation worse and cause her doubts. Try your best and you can overcome this situation.
June 21st, 2011 at 8:07 pm
For some reason i believe your wife . Personally i think you are the person with the problem and need help . You can not or should not cheat and call the mother of your child a fat pig . And smacking a woman just shows how pu**y you really are . Sir you do not deserve this woman and need a good kick in the groins and should feel proud to take care of your child. I am a single dad that has taken care a 2 month old and is now 5 years old myself without a complaint one . I am very proud of what i do . So stop your babyish crying the blues ways and try being a real man . Your a disgrace to manhood