Should a stay-at-home dad wake up for night feedings with a baby?
ByI am the mother of a 7 month old baby girl. She usually sleeps through the night but lately she has been waking up occasionally. Her father is a stay-at-home dad. I work full time outside of the home and I wake up to feed the baby whenever she wakes up in the night or early morning. As a result, I am exhausted at work. Shouldn’t the parent who stays home wake up for night feedings?
Related posts:
- Do I let my twin girls cry it out at night or seperate them so they don’t wake eachother?
- My cosleeping, night waking, night eating kindergartner?
- My baby needs me right next to him to sleep, how can i get him in crib for the whole night?
- To wean or not to wean :) (at night)…?
- Is it selfish of a stay at home mom to want the working dad to help out with their colic newborn at night?
50 Comments
January 26th, 2010 at 9:46 pm
Oh yeah. He should be considerate & get up without you even having to tell him.
January 26th, 2010 at 10:02 pm
Yes, the father should take part in the night feedings no matter who is there more with the child durring the day. Maybe you could take turns durring the night that way you both get equal sleep.
January 26th, 2010 at 10:36 pm
yeah pretty much. you could try to share the load, but … you guys came to the decision that you would work and he would stay home. i think maybe that means he does the majority of taking care of the baby, which means getting up at night. at least he has the option of napping while she naps during the day, if he’s tired. you don’t have a couch or bed at work, so …
it makes sense to me for him to do it.
January 26th, 2010 at 11:19 pm
Probably, Does he give you a reason why he doesn’t?
January 26th, 2010 at 11:29 pm
No, you should, as he is providing the bulk of the care for the baby. Come on now, if you were a man on here and said the same thing, you would get blasted!!! This is common sense. He needs to be no less alert than you during the day. You should be relishing that time with your baby as you are away so much.
January 26th, 2010 at 11:46 pm
He should definitely help out with the feedings. Having a baby is a partnership with 2 people.
January 27th, 2010 at 12:35 am
Nope, you should alternate nights. do you think he sleeps all day?
January 27th, 2010 at 12:54 am
ABSOLUTELY he should bear an equal burden of night-time feedings! I was a stay-at-home dad for my son the first two years, and I was man enough to step up to the plate…
Out of curiosity, has he agreed to do his share if the majority says “Yes he should”?
January 27th, 2010 at 1:51 am
yes because he’s sitting at home and your working your soul out to make sure they not hungry
January 27th, 2010 at 1:55 am
yes. unless you are still breastfeeding. But then, it may be the best time to keep that bond with the baby you have.
January 27th, 2010 at 2:46 am
Of course!!!! Being a stay at home parent is a full 24 hour job….I’m a stay at home mom my hubby needs his sleep to get through his day! And I did it, besides he can nap when your little one does ….you can’t!
January 27th, 2010 at 3:05 am
The two of you should talk about it. I always made the deal with my husband, while I am not working I would get up with the baby at night. Once I went back to work and we are both working I expected him to split duty with me.
If you are feeling nice though, you can offer to get up with her on the weekends so you are not tired at work.
January 27th, 2010 at 3:19 am
that why my wife breast feed
January 27th, 2010 at 3:26 am
You both work. His staying at home is just as equally exhausting as you going into work. Therefore it is only logical that you both take turns getting up with the baby.
January 27th, 2010 at 3:32 am
Yea he should but i think you should be a stay at home mom lol if he doesnt wake up in the middle of the night quit your job and tell him to go find a very good paying job cuz if you already wake up then you should just be the stay at home mom
January 27th, 2010 at 3:44 am
If you are the one getting up in the morning and going to work outside the home, then I think your husband should be the one getting up at night to feed the baby. If he is tired, he can nap. If you are the breadwinner, he should be trying to help out as much as possible and trying to make your life a bit easier since you are the one working outside the home.
January 27th, 2010 at 4:31 am
God bless your husband! He is as exhausted as you are. You are in an enviable situation, dear. He is home 24/7 with the little angel. I believe you should take turns waking up to take care of her. Remember when it was women doing all the baby care and home care (and working as well)? That wasn’t fair either. Make sure he knows you appreciate what he is doing and remember a lot of us did it all and know where he is coming from. Talk to him, let him know you need some sleep and please count your blessings. Make sure your daughter doesn’t know you resent getting up with her too. Babies are little sponges, they pick up emotions we don’t even know we have. Best wishes, dear.
January 27th, 2010 at 4:38 am
Unless your breast feeding, then hell yeah!! Even when my wife was breast feeding our last, I still got up and brought him to her. And I worked a 12 hour shift. You might want to get some “Little Teethers” for her. She’s probably not only hungry, but probably teething. Trust me, been there, done that, with three different kids.
They’re all the same. lol!!!!
January 27th, 2010 at 5:27 am
Yes, the stay at home dad should wake up! Its only fair. Especially if the baby isnt breast fed. You work and he doesnt…he can go to bed earlier. You should compromise though. You should cook dinner during the week so he doesnt have to or you should do the laundry. Compromise is the best approach in this situation.
January 27th, 2010 at 5:58 am
If the mother is holding down a full time job, she needs a full nights sleep. Yes, the man should get up. Is she is not working full time then the parents should take turns getting up with the baby.
January 27th, 2010 at 6:06 am
Nope…..the parent at home needs more of a break than the one going to work (as YOU get brain relief from a crying bubs during the day). I would suggest you take it in turns though….only fair. If he’s got any brains he’ll look for a job asap too.
January 27th, 2010 at 6:15 am
heck yeah! make him get his butt up out of bed! if you were a stay at home mom, would he get up to feed her at night? i think not!
January 27th, 2010 at 6:27 am
When I just had my first baby I was a stay at home mom and my husband worked all day, he took the night feedings though because it was time for just him and baby to spend together since he was gone most of the day.
January 27th, 2010 at 6:56 am
Does stay at home mean he doesn´t work?
If he works during the day but at home, then he is in the same position as you….
I understand you are exhausted (I am the mother of a 6 month old baby girl) but I happen to be old fashion and I don´t think the father should be the one doing the night feeds.
As you say, she usually sleeps thru the night…so this is only occasionally….for example, I prefer to have my husband put the table, do dinner and wash dishes and I take care of the baby during the night….we are both tired from working so we must share chores…..but there are certain chores that men consider not manly…and even if you think it´s foolish, this can pscicologically affect your relationship….
so what I did was split the chores…but not randomly…..accordingly….It is old fashion or whatever….but it works in my house……
January 27th, 2010 at 7:19 am
I just went back to work but when I was home I will still get up with the baby because I knew I can nap during the day with the baby as for my husband he had to get up and go to work. When he would get home, I did get a break and he would take over.
January 27th, 2010 at 7:54 am
yep I am a stay at home mom and on the weekdays when my husband worked I got uop for the night feeding and on the weekends he did it. A little compromise and trade off we had. That way he could still bond during the fedings on the weekends.
January 27th, 2010 at 8:13 am
YES! Whoever stays home, mom or dad, should be the one getting up. It’s the only thing that makes sense. We both worked and I breastfed so we had a system of me feeding then him burping and changing. That way no one was extra, extra tired.
January 27th, 2010 at 8:40 am
I feel the parent not working outside the home should be the one getting up to do the feedings, my husband would help some but go back to sleep because i was home with our son. It makes more sense, he could take a nap when the baby naps, if your at work there is no nap time..
January 27th, 2010 at 9:06 am
I think you should talk about it together and come to some sort of a schedule that works for the two of you. I stay at home with my baby and 4 older children, and my husband gets up in the middle of the night to bring the baby to me to nurse. This usually coincides with his “midnight bathroom break” so it’s not a big deal, and I end up feeding the baby. As the stay at home parent, i can sympathize with him being tired the rest of the day, but if he has the option of sleeping in with the baby or taking a nap during the day, he should be the one staying awake for her feedings until she’s back to sleeping through the nights. Perhaps you could take the weekend shifts if he would take the ones during the week.
January 27th, 2010 at 9:32 am
YES!!!!!
January 27th, 2010 at 9:59 am
my husband and i work different shifts. sometimes i work early (5am) sometimes i work afternoons. whoever has to go to work first should get to sleep in and the parent to gets to nap during baby’s nap should get up and tend to. the only exception to this is waking several times in the same night. then we split the night up. one parent gets everything before 3am, the other gets everything after. i would suggest that perhaps your husband feels you are not helping as much as he would like when you get home from work or on your days off. just a thought you might ask him about. good luck!
January 27th, 2010 at 10:26 am
this is tuff. Well on one hand he is up all day with the baby so he needs a break to. On the other you need to rest up. Maybe be like one night is yours and one night mine
January 27th, 2010 at 10:28 am
I hate to say it, but no. The baby is both of yours, not just his. He is working way more than you are…I know…I was a stay at home mom for about 6 months. It’s not easy and it takes everything out of you. Now, I’m not suggesting that you should be the only one doing night feedings…you should work out a system that works for both of you. Trade nights, or weeks…whatever works for the two of you. Remember that you’re not the only one working.
January 27th, 2010 at 10:29 am
uh, Yup….he should at least do it during the week if she awakes. If you’re the bread winner, you need to be at your best.
My ex was the same….he supposedly needed his sleep yet we both worked at demanding jobs. If she was ill or wouldn’t sleep it was me who suffered.
January 27th, 2010 at 11:17 am
Please keep in mind that you both work full time. Being parents, I think it’s a safe thing to say you are going to be tired for a looooonnnggg time, no matter what. If you were the stay at home parent, would you reason that since you stayed at home all day with the baby, the other parent should be waking up to feed her? Split the duties. Talk about it and come to an arrangement that will work for both of you. Alternate each day or something. But, I do want to say that I think that since you are out of the home working, you should cherish the time you have with your baby. It won’t last long and it’s a great way for you to spend time with her, even if it is 3 am.
January 27th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Do you run from or shirk your duties as a mother? Are you a competent mother? When you get home is the first thing you want to do is hold your little “precious one”? I just wanted to know what else there is going on besides what you are portraying. I can’t give an informed answer unless I have all the information, background, agreements, etc. To do so would be ignorant and would undermine my intellegence.
Thank you.
January 27th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
Yes, the parent that stays at home should be the parent to get up in the middle of the night. If you stayed at home and he worked, wouldn’t you be the one to do the night feedings? Of course you would!! You need to tell him that you have to work all day away from the house and he stays home therefore could take a nap when the baby does if he is tired, you cant take naps.
January 27th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
OMG…let me meet your husband. I’ll show him a thing or two! OF course he should wake up with her…what’s he thinking?? I know he works (at home) just as hard as you do out at the office, but HE can take a nap during the day when your daughter naps–you can’t.
January 27th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
tell him to get up and do the feedings, he would expect you to get up if you were a stay at home mom.right
January 27th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Yes he should. Just the same goes for a stay at home mom. If the father was working a full time job it would be the mother who would get up with the baby to feed. You are working full time outside the home. If he is a stay at home parent he should be working full time inside the home.
January 27th, 2010 at 2:45 pm
You know what? If a male asked this he would get blasted.
There are mothers out there that have a full time job AND take care of the kid. And being a parent is MORE than a full time job – it’s 24/7!
If you don’t do the late night feedings, do you ever see your child!?
Take a nap after you get home from work if you have to… but you need to spend time with your child.
You’re partners in raising that child – he’s not a single dad who lives with you.
January 27th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Absolutely. The support is very important, if he has chosen to stay at home he needs to take on the same responsibilities that a stay at home mom would.
January 27th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Yes he should, my husband did. When my eldest son was born my husband was off work because a car accident, so while I did things through the day with the baby while he was out doing physio and what have you, at night when I went to bed he always did the night feedings that way I had the energy and stamina for the next day ahead with taking care of the baby and him as well because his mobility was very limited.
If they are home and not working they should share in the duties of the child just like they shared in the pleasure of making the child
January 27th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
i believe that the obligations are on both of the parents. in your case that you work i believe that your husband should wake up and tend to your little one. because he needs to REMEMBER that you didnt make your child by yourself. i always enforce that to my husband. so i encourage you to tell him what i tell my husband.
January 27th, 2010 at 5:03 pm
Yes, I believe that would be fair. But you should take the weekends. It’s tough when all your sleep is interrupted sleep. For you and him.
January 27th, 2010 at 5:54 pm
I think that its a proper thing to do whether he is a stay at home dad or not , first it took the two of you in love to conceive the child , so then your both responsible for the childs well being. Second if he is at home there would be no harm in him getting up to feed the baby , when moms are stay at home moms they have no choice ,,,, so dad … do it. its love all around if its shared.
January 27th, 2010 at 5:55 pm
yes definately, that should be his job. i mean its not like you can tell your boss, “i need a nap im tired” your husband however can find time to take a short nap if he is tired. he is not being fair to you.
January 27th, 2010 at 6:28 pm
if the parent that stays at home is a man he can’t breast feed the baby and the baby needs breast milk if the baby is still 7 months but if you give the baby cow milk then i am guesssing that the father can wake up to feed the baby or maybe you can tell your husband to find a full time job and you can start staying at home.
January 27th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
yes i think stay at home dads should get up in the night with baby. I know from experience. It is hard for a mom as it would be a dad who works out side the home. fare is fare
January 27th, 2010 at 7:27 pm
I was never a stay-at-home dad but my ex never had to wake up at night to feed the babys (we had two). I did it joyfully and now those sleepless nights are one of the many treasures I carry with me. Your sweet hear doesn’t have a clue of what is he missing out.