Stay at home dad lonely….?
ByMy partner has been a stay at home Dad for about six months. He hates it and says he is lonely…he keeps begging me to give up my job but I know that we just can’t afford to and I don’t trust him to have the motivation to provide for a family.
Yesterday he made made a yahoo account, a bebo account and he says that he is going to start going on chat rooms so he can have people to talk to. I am feeling very paranoid about this and I made a big arguement about it. When I was pregnant with our daughter I caught him on dating websites and on his profile it said “does not want children”. At the time he made this I was 5months gone and I can’t seem to get it out my head that he will meet someone online when he is supposed to be looking after our daughter.
Do you think I am right to be annoyed or do I just sound like a jealous bunny boiler?
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9 Comments
January 28th, 2010 at 9:22 pm
You have every right to be annoyed! I’d be soooooo annoyed aswell. It is very disrespectful for him to do those things. It hurts. Tell him.
January 28th, 2010 at 9:59 pm
you have the right to be annoyed, but, don’t go charging in like a bull in a china shop,
sit down with him, talk through ur concerns, that way, he realizes that you are worried because you love him, and should see it your way,
but make sure to have an open mind, let him Speak too
hope this helps
xxx
January 28th, 2010 at 10:38 pm
I’d be annoyed too. You should sit down and have a serious talk with him. I know it does get a little lonely being by yourself with no other adult to have a conversation with all day. if you end up working everything out, try and doing something together, just the two of you, once a week or something and hire a sitter. i know it’s not affordable to hire a sitter all week long, but if you make it a once a week thing maybe it will give you guys some time to catch up and enjoy each other more. plus, it will relieve some of the stress and tension between you both. good luck. hope everything works out.
January 28th, 2010 at 10:43 pm
I’d suggest he go back to work and you get a registered childminder. There’s no way this situation is going to be successful.
January 28th, 2010 at 11:12 pm
Well, if you do not trust him then the relationship is already over. It will be up to both of you to make it work if both are willing. He may be reaching out to single people for nostalgia. Your answer is in your question, he is lonely. If you feel that this may interfere with you child’s welfare then that should be the focal point of your argument, but it seems you are just insecure and lack the trust needed to accept your husbands recreational activity. In essence you have become upset over something you THINK MIGHT happen. i think, forgive my candor, that you are approaching this in an immature and weak fashion.
January 28th, 2010 at 11:35 pm
If he is using dating sites or setting up profiles that imply he is single then yes you have every right to be annoyed..BUT..as a SAHM I know how lonely it can be.
I have made some good friends online, its a lifesaver to have an adult to shoot the breeze with on a bad day.
Think about it this way…you are at work….you meet people and make friends HE doesn’t know..is HE jealous??
If he is going to stray he will do it with or without a bebo account….If you caved in and stayed home while he went to work how would you feel if 6 months later he left you…then you have no husband and no Job.
Stay at work, let him have his online life…maybe you can open accounts to so you can say hi during the day..I know a lot of couples who do that, that way you have an idea of what he is doing.
Try to look at it from his point of view….but I understand your worry…but really…putting him in an isolated cage will not stop a man straying.
good luck x
January 29th, 2010 at 12:15 am
oh we are in the same boat, hun.
well, sorta.
my hubby’s been a SAHD (and it’s so telling that THAT reads ’sad’) for a while, minding our 2 sons. he’s been complaining about how lonely he’s been even when we decided together that i should keep my job because i make more money and that we shouldn’t get a nanny anymore because it would be too costly.
he has episodes. sometimes he’d like the situation. these days, he hates it.
he works from home and i try to bring him some computer jobs. but sometimes he doesn’t enjoy that either. he’s getting all moody.
i can understand how difficult your situation is, but i hope your hubby understands that it’s not your fault. and that he shouldn’t ‘get back at you’ by going on chat rooms and implying that he could cheat on you through there.
my husband never did that. and i trust he wouldn’t cheat or do anything of the sort. but yeah, i know he’s down, just like your husband.
you really have to talk. but i would suggest you bring it up that getting a registered nanny would be the right way to go. i mean, being a SAHM is difficult enough. imagine how terrible it would be for a father –a man who’s supposed to be the one providing for his family. his ego is wounded. poor thing.
good luck, dear. i wish i could be of more help.
January 29th, 2010 at 12:58 am
You have a right to be annoyed but I appreciate how lonely it must be for him. I think its alot easier for mothers to go to baby groups etc. Is there not a way that he could get a part time job as well as you working? You need to talk, I’m sorry but if he’s been going onto those kind of sites its only a matter of time before he does something if he hasn’t already.
January 29th, 2010 at 1:50 am
How disrespectful. I would be annoyed to