Comments on: Stay-at-home-dad question?

By: Jennifer L

Jennifer L — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 15:05:18 +0000

so you are saying he doesnt want to just work weekends and be a SAHD right? he wants to keep his full time?
if your salary is good then i dont see why he dont want to, but then again maybe he is doing the smart thing in making sure you both have a job just in case if one loses thiers. then you have one to fall back on.well depending, how much is your mom charging you to watch her grandson? she should be happy to spend time with the child let alone charge you an arm and a leg for it.

By: Phil P

Phil P — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 14:49:42 +0000

I’ve been a stay at home dad for the past 2yrs. It wasn’t necessarily by choice as I was laid off from my last job in 2002. My wife is a teacher & it is a struggle on just her salary alone. I’ve tried looking for work, but with limited skills it is very hard & also I have a physical disablity.

When we adopted our daughter in 2004, I did stay at home with her. I would like to work again if I possibly can. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home dad. Just as long as he “Provides” the moral & spritual leadership in his house.

And yes I do the laundry, dishes, cooking. But I don’t just see it as chores, but rather as a way to help my wife & family out as best as I can!

By: iritadragon

iritadragon — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 14:41:27 +0000

What kind of atmosphere would the kids be living in if you MADE your husband stay at home with them? He has already told you that he doesn’t want to do this. It is enough that you already put him down by making comments like “I am already paying all our bills now, so his bringing home the bacon is irrelevant” or however it was you worded it.

Your husband is a man who feels he has to be allowed to contribute what he can. And what he is contributing is enough of a salary to pay your mom for looking after your kids.

You have no more “right” to push him to become a housewife, than he has to demand the same of you.

Does your husband put you down as easily as you do him? Maybe what he should be doing is looking for a woman who won’t treat him as incidental, and worth nothing but a way to save on day care and car insurance!?

Shame on you.

By: Sandi A

Sandi A — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 14:22:29 +0000

My hubby would love to stay at home, but not be the stay at home dad considering our daughter is now 17. You couldn’t have paid me enough to be a SAHM. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter very much, but I need more out of my day than changing diapers, cleaning, cooking, etc. I do that enough without being a SAHM.

By: sr22racing

sr22racing — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 13:36:10 +0000

my opinion is that I think he needs to know what he is getting into. Being a stay at home parent is tough. I have always been the family bread winner, (my husband was in school) but now he is graduated and I am the stay at home mom. He works all the time and expects alot out of me because I stay at home. Depending on how many kids you have is how hard it will really be. I have two girls, 4 and 5. And they go to school, witch means volounteer hours there, and helping with homework, and cleaning house, and feeding time, and bed time, and reading time, and doing all the laundary, and dishes and total house work. When my hubby took over the work thing and I took over the house thing, It has been hard trying to get everything done. I refuse to let my hubby help all the time becasue it is my job to maintain the house. I think if your hubby thinks he can handle this big job then great. But I would make sure he knows that you will not be helping all the time. I think that if one person stays at home(mom or dad) then they have to take responsability of the whole house. Not just being a babysitter. This means he should have to do all the house cleaning, kid watching, laundary doing, responsabilities. But my hubby did it and I am sure yours could to. My hubby is thankful that he did. He spent good time with his kids, and they all have a great relationship now because of it. Here are some links to look at also.

http://www.slowlane.com/

http://fatherhood.about.com/od/stayathomedads/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stay_at_home_dad

http://www.fatherville.com/Articles/Stay_At_Home_Dads/

By: indigo1130

indigo1130 — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 13:08:57 +0000

Well, quite a long time ago I gave up my job to be a SAHM, not only because of the money factor (same situation as you) but also because I didn’t want strangers raising my children. So in an argument for him to continue to work: at least you have your mom watching the kids, so you know what kind of values she is instilling. Secondly, although I don’t regret staying at home with them at all, after several years of doing that, I definitely lost out on the opportunity to climb the corporate ladder. Therefore, also lost out on pay increases, increase vacation time, benefits, etc. You have to consider that when he goes back out to the workforce that his resume will have a period of time which is void of employment. However, the plusses of him staying home are that it is definitely less stressful, it’s for a short period of time until they are in school, and he can pursue other interests while home with the kids. The children will benefit from having a hands-on Dad and you just can’t get that kind of time back should you choose to be out of the picture. As a result of my being at home, I became an entrepreneur and haven’t looked back. I believe you have an advantage in having your mom provide the daycare you require, and that your husband should look at both the pros and cons of leaving his position and you should discuss it together and be respectful of his decision either way.

By: surellll

surellll — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 12:30:19 +0000

If you are telling me you have enough MONEY to let him stay home…Your salary is doing most of the bills…..O.K. most dads just are to insecure to taking care of their own children and thats ok…but you seem to think he can handle it that is a plus for this dad……don’t give up on him but give him some in put to what you want talk to him and see if you BOTH can come up with a solution..work together on this……..If dad is not a happy SAHD,,, the children will know. and they need to be happy tooooo sureilll….

By: craftladyteresa

craftladyteresa — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 12:06:30 +0000

The two of you should make separate lists of the benefits and drawbacks to each situation and then discuss them with each other.

Think about the ways you were raised- how did your care arrangements make you feel? What hopes and dreams do you have for your kids?

It’ll be a LONG talk, maybe one that needs to be spread out over time, but in the end thinking about these things will help you come to the decision that’s right for your family.

Remember: not everyone is cut out for work outside the home, and not everyone is cut out for working inside it, either.

By: john p

john p — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 11:11:04 +0000

i had a friend in a similar situation.she really just worked so she could be around adults.she made the same as he did after child care < warning> her salary put the family in a different tax bracket they owed money at the end of the year to irs. it turned out she really didn’t earn much at all,look into that what you may save on car insurance you may have to give it to them latter.but if he really likes his job and wants to work.maybe its not the money he’s really after evaluate the situation and you may find other reason other than car insurance

By: Barbiq

Barbiq — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 10:13:23 +0000

Why is it so important for you that he stay at home? If your kids are happy, your mother is happy and your husband is happy what is the problem? Now, if your mom has an issue with continuing to take care of your kids then I think you might want to sit down and talk to your husband and come to some sort of solution together. Or maybe this is an issue of you are tired of him working the night shift. If that is the problem you need to tell him that you want him home at night. Otherwise it seems to me like you have just decided what should be done and to heck with what anyone else might think or feel. And that is not going to work for anyone…