Stay at home mom or Stay at home dad?
ByWhen my husband and I were dating, we both agreed that I would stay home whenever we had children.
Since then, I’ve gotten a better job in the financial sector of municipal government that is more career oriented than teaching. My husband has started taking college classes and realized that he hates it. He has a good job in the oilfield and currently works 7 days on and 7 off. So on his days off, he does a lot of the cleaning around our apartment. Well, lately, he’s been making comments that I should pursue a higher business degree and get a killer job and he could be the stay at home dad. I admit that I’m not the best at cleaning the house, but I hoped to learn and I am the one who does all the cooking. I have always wanted to stay at home with my kids. How do we go about making a huge decision like this?
It’s driving me crazy because we’re holding off on having kids until he finishes school. Help me?!?!
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7 Comments
January 29th, 2010 at 5:17 am
You two have to decide what works for you. I was once the stay at home mom/housewife and he was the breadwinner. Our roles have reversed, but he’s not so good with the housework. I have to work, he can’t. Do what makes you both happy.
January 29th, 2010 at 5:36 am
The only right answer to that is whatever you two can agree on that leaves you both satisfied. I’d just point out that being a stay-at-home parent is very little about cleaning and cooking and very much about babies and kids. When you’re discussing who should do what, consider how much you love your jobs and also how much you’d love spending those working hours changing diaper after diaper and dealing with tantrum after tantrum, reading story after story, and playing I be the baby duck you be the mommy (or daddy) duck time after time. The best solution is the one that maximizes everyone’s happiness. You might also consider whether each of you could work reduced, staggered hours if it’s really important to each of you to spend lots of time with the kids.
January 29th, 2010 at 6:30 am
Only you two can resolve this on your own.
What happened with us – I have two degrees and had a great career, and was the higher income earner. Husband is an electrician, but loves to work – he frankly goes nuts if he doesn’t have physical labour to do, or problems to figure out. He would have cared for our son absolutely beautifully, but between us we realized that a mom just really has a special bond with a child, and it’s her who should be the SAH parent.
It’s worked well for us – and I’m no maid, I’m a MOM. He does tons of housework, so that doesn’t even enter into the equation.
Some people will find this sexist — but really, I think the majority of men are invested in getting out into the world and working – it frankly is part of their ego, their self-esteem. Yes, it’s true for women, too, but I think for different reasons.
And as a few years went by, and situations arose where he did have to ‘do it all’ (eg. I had surgeries) – the dude couldn’t multitask! Whereas I would be playing with our son, making supper, doing laundry and probably making a grocery list in my head – he would put the laundry in and wait!!
This all said, you have to consider your feelings as a woman and mother as well. There is nothing like the bond between a mother and a child. Yes, the father is close, too, and is very important, but somehow it’s just not the same.
January 29th, 2010 at 6:37 am
I was a SAHM for almost 3 years…I went back to work part time ….now if I work full time I can earn over twice as much as what my husband makes. So as of next month he will be home full time with the kids. He is so happy about this he could explode. He whole world is about his kids and could care less about his career or going to work he wants to be home. I am going to miss the kids too… but I look at it this way… they will have one parent home with them all the time..instead of 2 parents working.
January 29th, 2010 at 7:06 am
Just make a list of pro’s and con’s, obviously this is something you two have to come to decide on your own though.
I’m a stay at home mom and i absolutely love it, my husband is pretty old fashioned and doesn’t believe women should work, but its just his prerogative. But there are stay at home dad’s as well. If it were me making the decision, i’d def. say whoever makes the most money works, your gonna want to be sure your financially stable enough for the other parent to be home. It shouldn’t be that way, but nowadays that’s what it’s come down to.
Good luck with your decision, like i said, being a stay at home mom is really great, it brings me a lot of joy.
January 29th, 2010 at 7:34 am
I think mothers are more naturals at the stay at home thing- but as long as one parent is home with the kids, that is really all that matters.
January 29th, 2010 at 8:26 am
The kids don’t appreciate it either way.