Why does society frown upon stay-at home dads?
ByI have recently become a stay-at-home Dad for awhile. I cook, clean, wipe dirty bums, run erands, and organize activities.
Due to our current situation we figured this would best benefit our family however some family members have had negative things to say.
What are your honest opinions about it?
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9 Comments
January 29th, 2010 at 1:50 am
I think its a great thing. You are just as qualified as the mother. Society unfortunately still thinks that the mother should stay home while the father works.
January 29th, 2010 at 1:56 am
I think stay at home dads are just the same, and should be treated as equally as stay at home moms.
I have a stay at home dad, and he does all the things that a stay at home mom would do. He cooks, he cleans, he basically takes care of my brother and me. I don’t see what’s the difference between a stay at home mom/dad.
Trust me me, I know what you me. People give me these odd looks when I tell them I have a stay at home dad. Unfortunately, our society is ignorant, and while they accepts a woman who works, they can’t accept a dad that stays home. It’s the 21st century, people!
January 29th, 2010 at 2:18 am
I certainly admire them, it makes you appreciate what a woman actually does around the house when the Hubby is away to work.
January 29th, 2010 at 3:07 am
First of all, the person who implied that you don’t “support” your family is ignorant. You support your family by cooking, cleaning, running errands, organizing activities, and raising your children. I say good for you! We have had a few full – time dads in our play group, and they’re great. They do everything that the moms do (with the exception of breastfeeding, haha), but the kids in the group love the fact that the dads are more likely to roughhouse and play ball – a nice change from the usual play group activities.
Your family is lucky to have such an involved dad; you’ll hear no complaints from me.
January 29th, 2010 at 3:16 am
Because men are suppose to be the primary “bread-winner” in the family. And after all women have to go through in pregnancy doesn’t compare to what a lot of men do in their lifetime. We go through so much during our pregnancy and many don’t understand.
But I commend you for what you are doing. If it is an agreement between y’all then who cares about what other say. You are looking out for the best interest of the child.
It would be a different story if you weren’t working and the mom had to come home from work and still run errands, cook and clean, etc. while you sit at home and do nothing but watch TV or whatever lazy stuff some people do.
But that’s not you, so tell some people to stop living old-school life!!
January 29th, 2010 at 3:33 am
It’s just the male stereotype… Men are supposed to be the breadwinners and moms the homemakers…
I work from home and am a stay at home dad… I get comments too…
January 29th, 2010 at 4:25 am
If it works for your family, that’s great. It makes sense if the mother can make more money with her job than the father can. I definitely wouldn’t want to be working while my husband stayed at home though. Not that men can’t do a good job taking care of their kids, I just wouldn’t want to miss out on anything if one of us could afford to be a stay-at-home parent.
January 29th, 2010 at 5:23 am
I think a parent should stay with the children. I think its awesome you do it and I hope you enjoy it. and just so you know, society doesn’t think too highly of us either (stay at home moms).
January 29th, 2010 at 6:02 am
In theory, I think it is fantastic. My husband’s a great dad; if our career paths were different, I’d happily leave home and hearth to him.
In reality, I find that dealing with stay-at-home dads is the tiniest bit awkward, for reasons that I can’t explain – much less justify. I suppose that’s because even when your politics are liberal and feminist – as mine are – we’ve all grown up seeing women do the things you describe.
There’s a script for moms talking to moms. I left my career reluctantly; I’m clumsy with small children and frequently bored; I was never much of a girlie-girl in the first place. But despite all these handicaps, some part of my brain is capable of saying and doing the exact right things when meeting a new mom on the playground. Plus, I know how to read them – by their stroller, their parenting style, their kids’ haircuts, how they talk about their lives. I can guess pretty quickly if we’re likely to get along.
I’m loathe to admit it, but dads are a little different. First, I spend some time wondering if they’re gay. There’s no judgment there – just curiosity. Next, I wonder what their wife and/or partner does. Then I wonder about the kinds of things you’ve brought up – how their family feels about it, whether they’re conflicted about the choice, etc., etc. Lastly, I try to interpret their approaches to parenting – the thousands of little cues that look just a bit different when it’s a dad driving the stroller instead of a mom.
As I write, it also strikes me that while I have many close male friends, several of whom are also fathers, we don’t talk about our kids much. And yes, I do know a few stay-at-home dads, and no, we don’t much talk about our kids, either, even when our kids are playing on the swings right in front of us.
So while you may well be encountering some negative feelings, it is also true that even those of us who are completely supportive – and enthusiastic – of the choices you and your family are making, are a bit uncertain of how to proceed.
It’s not a lack of faith in your parenting ability, oh no. It’s simply a lack of confidence in our own choices and the changing landscape of parenting – and gender roles in general – circa 2008.
And if you’re handsome, well … I’m likely to be extra cautious for fear of sending off signals that I’m flirting. (I’m really not – but moms on the playground can be judgey. It’s like being back in school.)
So there you have it … I think you’re absolutely right to make the choices that are best for your child and your family. And I don’t think you should have to defend yourself to anyone. But if I’m being honest, I’m a bit confused by you – it’s sort of like seeing a large, green parrot land amongst the pigeons. Exotic, and you’re not sure how to approach him, even though you know he’s just a bird.
Hang in there. The world is changing – you’re just ahead of the curve!